I WISH I HATED YOU

Chapter 14

Doris's POV

***

2 YEARS AGO

The bus was empty and nearly silent. There were a few boys in the back giggling and telling loud dumb jokes. There were three elderly women who looked tired carrying fully packed grocery bags. As I walked in, I sat in my usual seat next to the middle doors. Nothing screams better than listening to music after a tiring school day. I put my headphones on, closed my eyes and entered a completely different world.

Suddenly, the stench of cigarettes flew all over the bus. The boys went quiet, and I looked up to see older man with the greasy hair and long beard walk in. His face was unfazed and lifeless, but also terrifying. Even though his body was skeleton, his steps were loud and heavy. He was looking around, and as soon as his eyes were on me, I looked away. I had my eyes out of window, and I just felt his steps approach me. "Is the seat taken, young lady?" A raspy voice interrupted me. I glanced at his face, and he greeted me with his wide smile revealing his yellow teeth. I said uncomfortably, "Yes." As he sat down, he clung to me removing any space between us. It's just 20 minutes' drive, you will survive. I said to myself.

"So, how old are you?" He spoke.

"15."

"I have this thing called Facebook. I know your generation uses it a lot, what is your name?"

"I don't have it."

"If you don't wanna give me it, just say so." He grabbed my headphones without warning. I naively remained silent as his dirty hands were touching them.

"Are you afraid of me?"

I stayed silent. He looked at my legs and said, "I like that skirt on you." 

I looked around to be noticed, but no one seemed to figure out the fear in my eyes.

Before the bus began to move and doors closed, one buy ran inside.

Leon. I gasped. His eyes immediately pointed at mine, and he sensed signals I was trying to show everyone the whole time.

He walked towards us and shouted at the old man. "Can you get the fuck up?"

"Who are you, lil boy?" The old man responded. Leon didn't hold back and grabbed him by his shirt and threw him on the ground. "What the fuck is your problem?" The man shouted. The bus turned dead silent as 15-year-old boy stood in front of old man who lied down on the floor. Leon started hitting him by the foot, and I quietly watched him. Bus driver stopped the bus and ran towards us. "Hey, stop!" He shouted. "I'll stop when he stops harassing teenage girls. Fucking creep." Leon spat the words as he kept hitting the older man.

Bus driver grabbed Leon, "Stop! I'll take care of it!"

Leon listened and sat down next to me. I muttered, "Thank you. Leon."

"Get out!" Driver shouted and kicked the older man out.

It was nothing but silence after my words. His stop was two stops before mine, but he stayed until mine. We left the bus at the same time and went in different directions without a word said to each other. Just pure silence.

***

Friends never stay forever, and they eventually leave. Had friends, we told each other we would stay forever, and made promises we never kept. We ghosted each other and just never heard a word from each other. When you contact them, you feel like you are talking to a different person. The person you knew and loved doesn't talk to you the same and you know it wasn't just their fault but yours as well. The hardest is when you lose someone without a warning. They disappear without telling you why, and you blame yourself. You blame yourself for the ways you treated them, you rewind on things you have done and think what could cause them to leave. Was I too clingy? Was I too friendly? Was I enough for them to keep me? You can't cling back, and the only option is to force yourself to unlove them. If they call back, I'd instantly pick up. If they ever needed someone, I'd be the first to respond. I'd take bullets for people that selflessly just loved themselves. Love is the most fucked up emotion that manipulates with you. When you are lonely, the worst person in your eyes is your soulmate. You treasure them and worship them until you end up lonely again.