authors note - guys i'm so sorry for this one - tw mentions of abuse and bul!mia
setting- shibby has just walked in to find roger staring her down from the stairs
i put my keys and bag on the counter, trying not to make eye contact with him as i do so.
"silent are we?" he mutters. i sigh as he walks up to me.
"unusual for you to be this quiet isn't it siobhan?"
i glance at him, my eyes still trying to focus on anything else near me
"i see how it is" he says harshly, the house is so big his voice echoes, he grabs me by my wrist as i groan in pain at the touch of the fresh bruises on them. he drags me up the stairs and into our room. he throws me against he door and i see a satisfied look on his face, i know i'm in for it.
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when i was younger i would stand up for myself and everyone else, fighting anyone who tried to harm me. now i find myself sitting against the bedroom door, barely keeping myself up, everything that was worth anything, taken from me. it was only when i first turned to roger i realised it was easier to just let him do what he wants rather than fight it, fighting would only amuse him that much more, and god knows he would hurt me that much more. my body was taken by him, it was a prize he took without winning anything, he was to lazy of a man to earn anything. so he took, and everything he took he thought belonged to him. i guessed in a certain way i believed it too, he made me believe i was nobody, and i was lucky that even someone like him would want me.
a loud clank makes me snap into reality. i force myself to get up even though i'm still terrified, i know he's downstairs, the most cruel thing he does is that after he uses me he leaves, leaves me all alone to soak in all the terrible thoughts i have of myself after what he does to me. that's what hurts the most. i quietly tip toe down the stairs, i get a wiff of bacon and sausage, i sigh. on my way to the kitchen i notice myself in the large mirror in the hallway, i gasp quietly seeing the purple handprint on my face, my mouth stays open as i enter the kitchen.
"oh dear you must cover that up for work, wouldn't want anyone else knowing about our little interactions would we now?" he grins as he flips the bacon while still glaring at my face. i sit down on the stool, my hand covering my cheek.
"oh don't be so embarrassed dear" he takes my hand and rubs the bruise, i can feel the burning sensation in my face.
"you should be used to this by now. maybe if you were more willing things wouldn't have to end this way would they?" he grabs two plates out and places the breakfast on the plates gently
" have some food" he says as he passes the plate over to me. i know what he's doing, sucking up to me. he does this every time, to remind me if i can never leave because he treats me too well. it traps me every time, he sees right through me. i slowly pick my fork up and place the food in my mouth, piece by piece.
"excuse me i have to use the bathroom" i say with a weak smile sliding my empty plate to the side. i rush into the bathroom, allowing my depression to consume me, my tears that were once little drops, were now waterfalls gushing down my face, my eyes burning from my mascara, barely open. i wash my mascara off, letting the water drip down my face, at least this way my eyes didn't have to burn while i'm already breaking down. my hands tremble as i remember everything roger did last night, how he pushed me aside and forced himself on me, leaving me to wake up alone in the corner of my room. i wipe my tears away from my eyes and stare at myself in the bathroom mirror, my heart aching as i see the state of myself. i look away not daring to look at myself again as i head to the toilet, for what i really came in here for. i lean on my knees, my fingers reaching the back of my throat, a horrible liquid coming back up from within me, i cough in pain. after i get up, i brush my teeth and wipe my face. after getting the stash of makeup i have in the bathroom cupboard and caking myself in as much as possible, until my skin is clear and flawless. i take one more glance at myself to check my hair before exiting the bathroom and making my way back down to get dressed for work. i stare down at the floor while walking into my room and notice roger sitting on the bed.
"there's that beautiful girl. i told you darling nobody will ever know" he says.
YOU ARE READING
shibby - an endless loop of toxic love
Fanfictionsiobhan is stuck between her @busive relationship with roger. she is confused as she leeps into the idea of balancing a life containing a certain nurse called annie.
