shibby - an endless loop of toxic love

perfect dress

authors note - i dearly apologise if i traumatised some of you in the last chapter but unfortunately it only gets worse from here

setting - after last night, siobhan wakes up in her bed with roger next to her

i yawn loudly not realising roger was beside me, he's usually gone off to work in head office by now. that's weird. i pick up my phone and see 11:34 am on my screen. i quickly lift myself up as i realise how late it is. i was supposed to be at work 4 hours ago. just as i leap out of bed, i hear roger calling after me.
"i switched your alarm off" he says yawning and stretching his arms out.
"roger why would you do that? you know im going to be late for work!" i roll my eyes while trying to get myself dressed as quickly as possible, feeling his eyes staring at my body.
"you not going to work today siobhan."
"what?" i look at him, my stomach in knots.
"your going out, but not to work, and not with me. your planning our wedding today."
i sigh and put my hands on my head as i sit on the corner on the bed. roger seems unbothered and gets up and shuts the door behind him after calling back "be ready for 2"

i haven't properly gotten myself organised for quite some time, i decided since roger gave me so long to get ready he wanted me to look my best, and i didn't want to know what was going to happen if i didn't. without thinking twice, i hop in the shower and bathe myself, soaking myself in body wash and massaging my scalp as i wash out the shampoo. as i get out of the shower, i put a hair mask in and go to pick my outfit.

i was only going to wear my normal black top and some black trousers but since i was expected to look presentable i need to pick something more classy. i pick out a nice, white dress, it's the strapless one roger got me for our anniversary, it has a flowy end and it's such a lovely material. i place it on my bed and realise i still have some time before i need to wash out my hair mask so i decide it's the perfect time to do my nails. growing up, i always wanted to be a nail tech and i learnt all about how to do acrylics, i got so good at it people started paying me to do theirs, i miss it. i grab all my nail things and start painting them a nude pink with some gems and bows on them, i put them under the light and look at them in accomplishment. i smile at myself, really loving how they turned out.

i wash my hair mask out and wander to get my blow dryer and my curlers, i never usually curl my hair but i was feeling like it today as it is somewhat special. after doing my hair, i do my makeup but make sure to put a bit more on just to really get that special effect. i then put my outfit on and choose a cute white handbag and my chanel white handbag that i love with my whole heart.

just like that, i look in the mirror and see myself again, the girl who would always take time to make sure she looked good everywhere just because she could. exept now it wasn't because she could, it was because she had to, this realisation sucked out the happiness in her and all she could see in the mirror now was a drained, used woman who was trying to please a shitty man by being her pretty self.

as i was lost in thought staring at myself in the mirror, i hear roger calling me from downstairs so i quickly grab my things and go down.
"oh look at you" he says while grabbing my hand and staring me into the eyes, his hands then shift to my waist as he pulls me closer to him
"all mine" he says, looking me up and down like i'm a fucking object.
"the limos in the driveway waiting for you"
"limos" i ask, looking at him with a puzzled face
"yes limo, i thought it would be nice" he grabs my chin with his hands,
"your my property now, i have to treat you somehow don't i darling?" he smirks. i smile at him, trying to look enthusiastic before i exit through the door and hop into the limo.

property
property
property
the word repeats in my head. who calls their lover their property? well i guess i never was his lover, i was just his fucking property.

i stare out of the window of the limo, truthfully maybe he does own me, i certainly don't own myself and someone must have ownership over me, it just breaks my heart it has to be him.

——————————————————————————

when we get there, i give my thanks to the driver and enter the wedding centre, to be welcomed by a bubbly blonde woman.
"hello! my name is chloe, what would you like to pick out for your wedding today"
"uhm" i look around, trying to find something that catches my eye. after about 30 seconds of my eyes wandering around, chloe speaks again.
"how about the dress section"
"yes okay that will do" i mutter. she leads me down to the dress shop and lets me go off.

the dress shop is massive, but i manage to pick out a few dresses that i like. i try on of them on and step out, looking at myself in the mirror, it looks lovely, but i'll never feel like i belong in it, not under these circumstances.
"lucky guy" i hear a familiar voice call out. i turn around and see the nurse standing there, admiring how i look, i've never been looked at with such loving  eyes before.
"what are you doing here" i say as my cheeks go all flustered.
"returning mine, things didn't work out about a year ago and i never had the heart to throw in away" she looks at the white gown hanging on her hand in awe "but i guess i finally got brave enough to do it"
i smile at the idea of her feeling secure enough to walk away and return the symbol of her relationship.
"but seriously you look beautiful, i'm sure he must treat you very well" she says, i look down on the floor
"yeah..." i mutter, she notices the change in my demeanour and steps towards me looking at us both in the mirror.
"it's a shame he deosnt appreciate this" she whispers in my ear and her hand goes down my back. i feel butterflies in my stomach and my breathing fastens.
"such a shame...you should really find someone who does" she says while tracing her hand further down.
"either way, i must get going now, i'll see you around though" her body shifts towards the door.
"wait!" i call out for her and her head turns around.
"do you really think this is the right dress?" i ask.
"oh baby it's the perfect dress, you just need to find the perfect guy, or a girl if your into that..." she says as she winks at me and walks out the door.