shibby - an endless loop of toxic love

boo bitch

authors note - mia saves the day? also sorry for not uploading for agessss i've just been really busy and shit. but this chapters a bit heavy, obviously not as heavy as the last one because god that was a hell of a rollercoaster, either way don't worry your pretty little heads because better days are coming for our girl.

setting - shibby wakes up in hospital

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"you almost fucking died y'know" the figure in front of me says. i can't fully make out who it is as my eyesight is so blurry.

"i know" i mutter, my throat dry and my voice croaky, i have only just woken up. my body feels so heavy as i sit myself up, only now noticing how heavily i've been breathing. my eyes travel back to the person as i look them up and down. a glimpse of red hair snatches my gaze, i know exactly who this is.

"what are you doing here Mia?" i ask with my tone very stern.
" who else would have dragged you here?" she grins. i can see more clearly now.
"but why?"
" sweetheart you were all drugged up and beaten! you looked like a crime scene. your lucky i needed to get something from roger that day or you wouldn't have survived"
i stare at her blankly. roger. what the fuck happend to him.
" well where is he?" i say.
she steps over to me, closer and closer until her face is right by my ear.
"6 feet under" she whispers. the air blowing in my ear makes me shiver.
"either way your getting out in about an hour, a little special someone wants to see you" she chuckles as she walks out of the door.

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i've been waiting for half an hour. stood outside of my house door waiting for anyone to show up, i don't want to go inside, not ready for the twisted, painful memories that awaits me.

after almost giving up and going inside. i spot a blue striped shirt across the road. i watch as she wanders towards me.

without thinking, i sprint at her as she catches me in her arms. my arms wrapped around her waist, letting myself in her warm embrace. after about a
minute i finally let go and look up at the tall woman, only just realising what i have done. i quickly step back and look down at the floor.

"hey! don't feel embarrassed! i was really worried about you" she looks at me with sympathetic eyes.
"really? but we barely know each other" i say
"i know. but there's just something about you that i really like and it was just hard not seeing your pretty little face for so long" i can't help but smile as she says that.

"would you like to come in?" i ask nervously tilting my head to the side.
"of course i would"
i take her hand and bring her inside closing the door behind me. i watch her as the sits down on my couch and places her arms beside her, i can't help but notice how mesmerising she is.
suddenly, my gaze fixates on something a lot less euphoric, the pills and cigarettes on the floor across the hallway. my stomach drops and i feel my head go  fuzzy, even thinking about that night makes me sick.

i take a deep breath and close the door to that room, it can wait. i let myself calm down and sit beside Vivian. i watch as she turns her head to face my direction, her hair falling perfectly on her neck and her blue eyes shimmering in the light.
"so how have you been viv?" i break the silence.
"fine really, not much going on at the moment. everyone in the nursery has been in panic mode after what happened."
i freeze. why would anyone in the nursery care about me?
"what do you mean?" i stare at her with a concerned look plastered across my face.
"oh well, after about a week  people sort of figured out what had happened and came running after roger."
"roger? i though he was dead?"
vivian chuckles at my answer "dead? Siobhan, roger isn't dead, in-fact he couldn't be further from it. he's been all over the place ever since you announced the pregnancy, he's been going around all delighted" she rolls her eyes.
"PREGNANCY!?" i yell, loud enough for everyone anywhere near my neighbourhood to hear me.
"wait fuck they didn't tell you?"
"NO THEY DIDN'T TELL ME SHIT!" i shout once again.
"woah woah okay calm down" she places her hand on my leg "when they first got you into hospital they had to do all of their checks, in which they found a baby" she says.
"oh my fucking god" i stare at her blankly, no expression on my face because i felt no emotion at all. how does one even react to the information of being pregnant with her abusers baby. i'm going to be sick.
"excuse me" i mutter, leaving the room and making my way into the kitchen. i start grabbing piles of food and start to wander to the bathroom and lock myself in.

i smother my mouth in food, i can't stop it, i'm too overwhelmed. i stuff myself until i'm so full i have to physically shove food down my throat so i'm able to swallow it. i'm struggling to breathe. i gasp for air, taking in all of this information. i can't feel my heart pounding out of my chest.

i stare at all the empty wrappers on the floor beside me, letting each individual item consume me. no, not this again, no no no.

i lower myself to face the toilet, the cycle goes on.

note- not proof read coz i can't be arsed