My Forever (Harry Styles)

Smeared

Harry was staring at me like a deer stunned in headlights. It was raining outside and I was getting soaked standing outside of his door. 

It hasn't been that long has it? It's only been like 2 months. I've seen him in school and he's seen me. There's been awkward "Hi's" and "Hey's" exchanged in the halls but that's about it. 

But who am I kidding? It's felt like years for me too.

"Ariel. Hey, it's great to see you. Please come in." Harry says awkwardly and steps to the side so I can walk past him. I do so and he closes the door behind me. 

I slowly scan the room and take notice in all the empty pizza boxes and empty coke liter bottles. The TV screen is paused on some video game with guns and old buildings. The lighting is dim and behind the stench of old pizza, there's that familiar scent of Harry's cologne. 

"So where's Liam?" I ask not turning around to face him just yet.

"Um, he's probably at work. I don't really know." Harry says in a low voice. I turn to face him and he's staring at the floor with his hands behind his back. 

It's evident he's been wearing those clothes for maybe the entire weekend and hasn't bothered to take a shower in the past few days. 

There's a long silence between us and for a moment I forget why I came here in the first place. I don't know where to begin or what to say exactly, and I'm beginning to think this was a bad idea. 

"Why did you come here?" He asks me still not looking me in the eyes. Instead his gaze is locked on something behind me. 

"I uh, I guess I came to see you. I mean I miss you." I say shamefully looking at the ground now myself. I feel foolish for even coming here. I don't even know what I thought was going to happen. Say that I was sorry for everything and hope he'd take me back? 

"Oh" He takes a deep breath. "Well what do you want then?" He says coldly. It sends a chill down my spine and I get the feeling of rejection. 

I will myself not to cry and take a few deep breaths myself. 

"Harry I'm so so sorry. About everything. About not listening to you. For hurting you." I say shamefully.

"You have no idea. You can't even begin to imagine how bad it hurts the second time around. You just don't know. I never lied to you once in our relationship." He says angrily and this time looks deep into my eyes from across the room. The anger and gaze going into me from him is what breaks me. 

"Harry. Please. Just let me explain..." I start to say.

"No! Like how you let me explain myself? No fucking way" He says between his teeth. "Just leave."

More tears spill from my eyes and I have to cover my  mouth with my hand to muffle the sob that threatened to come out. My mind is telling me to leave and just walk away. But my heart is telling me to fight like hell. 

Like the stubborn person I am, I sit where I stood. I crisscrossed my legs and folded my arms like a child. "No."

He let's out a pathetic chuckle and I feel even more stupid for my dumb choice of protest. But I remain seated and refuse to look up at him. 

He stands in front of me and squats down to my level. His finger is placed under my chin and he lifts my head up for my eyes to reach his. "This is adorable. Really. But you know it's not fair." He says soothingly. My tears are still flowing from my eyes.

I nod and don't say anything. His eyes slowly turn soft and I can tell he's starting to feel bad for me. He places a kiss to my forehead. A sob leaves my lips again and more tears flood from my eyes. He let's out a breath and closes his eyes.

"Fine. Let's talk. I don't wanna see you like this anymore" He finally says. I feel like a toddler getting my way. "Where do you wanna go to talk?" He asks me.

"I don't wanna go anywhere looking like this." I say to him. I touch underneath my eyes to find black smeared on my fingers. He nods in understanding.  He leans over to the coffee table to pull out a tissue and hands me one, and takes on for himself. He takes the one in his hand to wipe underneath my eyes. 

"Thanks" I sniffle. He chuckles at my expense once again. 

"Do you wanna stay out here or do you wanna go to my bedroom?" He asks me.

Now that I've been given the option, I realize I've never been in his room. We were always at my house and in my bedroom. "Your bedroom?" 

"Yeah okay" he stands to his feet and holds his hand out to me. I take it and he pulls me up off the floor. "It's just this way" he says and lets go of my hand and leads me to the last door of the short hallway. 

His room has a giant queen sized bed in the middle of the room on the far side, and a dresser to the left. His walls are covered in posters of bands, not really what I expected. The over all room is clean, too clean. He made a mess of the living room and his room is spotless.

He leads me to his bed and I sit next to him on his black and grey comforter. "So, why?" He asks.

"I don't know. I was hurt and I didn't know what to think." Is all I can come up with.

"So you went straight to him?" He asks me and I can see him getting angry again.

"Harry, no. It wasn't right away. I was hurting and he was just there for me."

"I was hurting too! And I was there waiting for you. You could have come to me." He says.

"How can I be comforted by the one who hurt me?" 

"So you turn around and hurt me twice?" 

"Twice?" I ask confused.

"First you turn to Zayn for comfort and then him." He says in disgust.

"It wasn't like you think" I say "there's more to it."

"You kissed him. He told me. What more is there to it?" 

"It was before you and I were even together! I know Cameron left that part out just to spite you. Oh and the fact that he was the one to kiss me." 

A look of reason crosses his facial features and his head hangs low. "Fuck. I'm going to kill him."

"But I will be honest with you about this so that it doesn't come up to bite me later. I did let him comfort me these past 2 months. I cried almost every night the first month, he found ways to calm me down and help me sleep." I admit.

He nods his head but doesn't look me in the eyes. I can tell he's hurt. I feel the urge to comfort him, so I don't hold back this time, I lean over and wrap my arms around his shoulders. I feel his in take of breath skip and I know he's holding back tears of his own. Mine start flooding down my cheeks once again.

"Ariel, please stop crying." I feel his arms wrap around me and his hand stroke my hair. He kisses the top of my head and continues to stroke my hair until my tears and sobs have slowed down. 

"I just love you, so much. And I hate myself for not trusting you or listening to you, and for hurting you. And waiting this long to come and see you." I say in a straggled voice.

"Better late than never." He says in a soft voice against my hair.