Broad Love

Chapter Eight

~PJ~

Never in my life did I think I would be in this situation. Here I was sitting with a boy and laughing about anime when just a few hours ago I fucked him up the ass. I don't think I'd ever get used to it: being friends with benefits. Although to be honest, it was almost like an actual relationship. Or at least the ones you see in the movies, all "best friends but with sex". But I had a different plan. If I kept what I had with Dan up long enough, maybe I could get him to see the other side of it. Maybe I could get him to fall in love with me. It was risky for sure, but as long as there was a chance I was willing to take it.

A month into it, all was going well for both of us with our arrangement. All it took were a few kisses pressed into his shoulders or him crawling into my bed late at night and we were done for. We never really talked about it when we were finished, but maybe that's supposed to be what friends with benefits do? I had no clue, honestly. One thing I did know, though, was that Dan was dead set on not being anything more than that. In the heat of the moment (more than once) I would gasp out to Dan, "I love you". He never said it back. He never even acknowledged my feelings for him. It hurt like an ache, and it wouldn't go away.

I remembered what Dan would tell me about him and Phil, about how and why it hurt. He said that their relationship was "romantic deceived by the appearance of being platonic", and I couldn't help but laugh at the bitter sweet irony. Dan had love and lost it with sex, now we have sex and I'm lost without his love. If anything could make me feel like shit, it was this very thought.

Sometimes I was scared that I would lose Dan. If there was no love between us, he could just as easily fall for another person and replace me. If Phil came back, I had no clue what I'd do. Dan was still madly in love with his best friend, and I was but a substitute. What I do know is that I would try and fight for Dan. I love him and I'm going to make him realize that he loves me. That way no one could ever tear us apart, not even Phil.