Broad Love

Chapter Nineteen

~PJ~

I wasn't too drunk when I got back to the flat, just a little tipsy. I'm not sure exactly what time I got home, but it was probably somewhere around two in the morning. Chris had taken me to a nice pub a couple blocks away after dinner and I had a great time. He was great, Chris was that it. He was sarcastic and hilarious, just a joy to be around. With him, I felt as light as air. He even asked if I wanted to go home with him, but I said no. But walking into my own flat, where my boyfriend was, I realized that I really wanted to go with him.

It's not like I didn't want Dan anymore, that I was bored of commitment, honestly I had no intention of hurting anyone with my actions. Maybe it was me, that I was changing. I had never had a crush on someone who wasn't my friend, I even had a thing for Phil when we first met (though that quickly diminished). Chris wanted to be more right off the bat and it was kind of refreshing. Plus, he was a really good guy. I liked him a lot.

I decided to check up on Dan before I went to bed so I walked to his room and opened the door slightly. Inside, I saw Dan curled up asleep on Phil's chest and Phil laying back, also asleep, on the pillows. They were fully clothed. It caught me off guard. At first I didn't believe what I was seeing, but I didn't do anything it. They weren't naked, so I doubt that Dan was trying to cheat on me. Instead of asking questions, I simply just went to bed. It could be sorted out in the morning and I wasn't in the right mind to have a civil discussion. Also, I found that I didn't really care. Maybe I was shocked a little bit, but if Dan was in love with Phil again, then who was I to tear it up? It's Dan's life, not mine.

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I woke up rather early and found I couldn't get back to sleep. It was only seven o'clock, so I got up and made coffee, enjoying the peace and quiet. Sitting on the sofa, a brown glint appeared in the corner of my eye and I saw it was a piece of brown glass. When did this get here? I wondered. Before I could investigate any more, a sleepy Phil walked out into the lounge.

"Good morning." He yawned, stretching his arms above his head.

"Morning. Coffee?" I nodded me head to the instant coffee maker. "I made you a cup already since I know what your answer will be."

He smiled. "Yes, please." Phil went to get his cup and then sat next to me on the sofa, legs crossed underneath him. He was still in his clothes from the night before.

"Phil, I saw that you spent the night with Dan. And I'm not mad or anything, I just want to know what happened." I said, looking down into my mug. He froze, surprised at my sudden blurting.

He sighed eventually. "Dan...he got into some trouble last night. He relapsed. The beers you keep in the fridge, he drank almost all of them. Then he smashed a bottle and was using the pieces to-" Phil stopped talking for a second, like the story hurt him too much to think about. He cleared his throat. "To cut himself. So I cleaned him up and I guess we fell asleep. I don't think that he's an alcoholic, Peej. Maybe that too, but I think he's depressed. I don't have the right to say what he is or isn't, but he needs help. I want him to feel better, and no AA meeting is gonna get him there."

I sat in silence, not sure how to react to that. But Phil started talking again so I didn't have to worry about it. "Nothing went on between us, I can assure you. But to tell you the truth, I love him. I can't stop how I feel, and I'm sorry. I promise that I won't come between you two."

"It's alright, Phil. I was stupid to think that there wasn't any love left in you for each other, so that's on me. I think he'd be better without me anyway, or at least better with you. And honestly, he loves you too. I never should have stopped what was bound to happen, so I'm sorry too I guess."

It quiet for a few seconds, and then I laughed. Phil looked at me, confused. "What's so funny?"

I managed to get out a few words in between bursts of laughter. "It's just, oh my god. Look at us. We're like a soap opera. Phil Lester, the average bi and ready to try, wants to be Dan Howell's boyfriend, but PJ Liguori is in the way of their relationship. Also Phil's ex wife hates Dan and PJ with a passion which kept him from being with them. Also PJ has a man friend named Chris who wants to get into his pants. It's pretty funny, dude."

We both started laughing then, as if nothing was wrong with the world. It was great, just to let go and laugh till your ribs hurt. It reminded me of when just me and Phil were friends, before Dan had come into either of our lives. That was a different time, though. All that's happened has happened and no one can change that. Not even me. But as long as we could fix what was broken and fall back in love with our lives, I'm sure that everything will be alright. After all, it always is.

"Wait, what man friend?"