Broad Love

Chapter Twenty

~Dan~

PJ broke things off with me two days after my incident over a cup of coffee at my favourite cafe. I would be lying really if I said I hadn't expected it. Even if he didn't get cozy with his new actor, I'm sure I would have done it myself. It was never going to work between us, and we were just then facing the music.

When Phil cleaned me up and comforted me on the night of my relapse, something clicked inside of me. I have never felt like someone cared for me in a long time, but as I sat there crying and listening to him tell me I was good person, I honestly believed that he wanted me in his life. So just before I fell asleep in his arms, a thought came to me. I could live in a world without anyone, but not Phil. Then I realized something greater: with Phil, I actually wanted to live in this world. I wanted to live for him.

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 ~three months later~

The heavy rain splattered hard on the windows, deforming the figures of people and buildings outside into shapes unrecognizable to mankind. The weather was always shit in England, but March was the worst. Everyone was miserable and tired of winter, ready for spring to come its way and make everything pretty and more importantly: warm. But not even the rain could keep me down that day, as I had Phil by my side holding my hand underneath the diner table. 

The bell chimed as the door to the diner opened, letting in PJ and Chris who were laughing over how Peej's hair looked because of the rain. They looked around for a second before Chris pointed at us and motioned for PJ to follow and slid into the other side of the booth. 

"Top of the morning." Chris beamed in a butchered Irish accent.

"It's noon, Chris." Phil laughed.

He shrugged. "It's five o'clock somewhere."

"I'm not sure that's what that saying means-"

"Anyway enough about me." Chris cut PJ off. "How's the happy couple? Not meaning me and Peej, of course. I feel like we haven't seen you in ages." Chris leaned in and stole one of my chips not-so-sneakily, munching on it in a carefree way.

"Well we saw you last week so it wasn't that long ago. But we're good. It's all good." Phil looked over to me, smiling lovingly and knew that he was thinking about earlier that morning.

Since the night where I cut up my arms, Phil was concerned about me with every reason to be. So we scheduled a medical appointment and I was diagnosed with clinical depression. Not bad enough that I had to be withheld, but enough to not be ignored. Along with daily medication, they had me see a therapist to help with my emotions and urges. There was never a requirement for how often I had to see her, just as many times as I needed. At first, I saw her every other day. Slowly as I got better, though, I saw her less often. That morning was the first time I went to go see her in almost two weeks. And when I went there, she told both me and Phil that I was doing a hell of a lot better. Seeing Phil's reaction to that was the best thing I had seen in a while; I wanted to take a picture of that smile just so I could look at it every time I was sad.

"So... are we expecting a happy announcement anytime soon?" PJ wiggled his eyebrows. I blushed and looked at them intensely, attempting to communicate with them through looks to tell them to shut up about it.

"That's right, you got your divorce finalized a while ago, didn't you Phil?" I thought of Phil's bitchy ex-wife Cat and remembered how we saw her a couple days ago making out with another guy in public. I shuddered.  

Phil laughed a little. "Yeah that's right. But I don't know yet. Maybe." I relaxed a little, glad that he was at ease with it. If he had said something along the lines of 'there's no way I'm getting married ever again', then I would be crushed. Especially since I had a box in my coat pocket containing a ring with Phil's name engraved on it. I planned to give it to him later that night.

"That's great! You two are made for each other." PJ smiled, but as he said it he looked at me. Looking in his eyes, I could see that he was remembering us and what we had. It wasn't that bad, as I recall, but everything I better now. And he knows it too. Chris is a great guy and he makes Peej happy, which is the important part, being happy.

After all that we had been through, we deserved a little happiness, a little love. Over a year ago, the three of us were broken inside, scared of our feelings. And that fear was what caused us to do things that we regret today, things that should never have happened. Phil lost his want to love, PJ lost his sense of love, and I lost my love completely. But now everything is better, and it will be even more so. Because even if we're all a little fucked up, some of us more than others, that doesn't mean we're bad people. We deserve love, all of us. The deep, broad love that strengthens us as people. Despite what anyone thinks, it's love that keeps us-me together. It's love that keeps me alive.

~THE END~

A/N: So that's it! I hoped you all (the few of you) enjoyed this fic! I tried to make this book longer than the first one so I really do hope that you all stuck around to see the ending. (Tbh I think some of these paragraphs are the best things I've ever written but idk)

Anyway, I just wanted to thank you guys for actually reading my work. Especially TheHeartOfFandoms because as I was about to give up writing this, your votes really meant a lot to me, so thanks. (I'm a sap, I know)

Also, I will absolutely be writing more phanfics in the future. Maybe not immediately because I have some other fandoms I want to write about such as Merlin or Supernatural, but I do have some ideas for my two favourite tall queer boys and I can't wait to see what you think of them.

That's all for now!

~Later :3~