Imagining Us

Ch.40-Just Friends?

Esi wasn't really much of a hugger—specifically, a giver of them. She didn't mind receiving them, but as confident as she could be, she felt awkward initiating them. Looking up at him, seeing the flicker of emotions on his face, and the hope blooming in his eyes, she wanted to hug him.

Porte was waiting for her to respond, and she thought that he looked a bit unsure. It didn't seem to be a look that he wore often.

She thought of what to say to him. Of how they could go forward.

"Trying..."

Now, it was his turn to be confused. "What?"

"You mean you were trying to push me away...."

She walked towards him until it would just take a simple movement for them to touch.

He replied slowly, "Yes...yes I was." Regret still laced his voice.

Esi looked up at him through her lashes.

"Now that you've told me the truth, Porte. I won't let you succeed with pushing me away...you're..."

She wanted to tell him that he was important to her too,but that was too much, too soon.

So, she settled for words closer to what he had said.

"I think about you too...often. But Porte, you could have at least said something. Anything. You just said that I don't deserve to be treated this way—no one does—but you still did it. And it bloody hurt. How do I know that it won't happen again?"

He opened  his mouth, and she knew what he would say before he said the words.

Esi held up her hand in protest. "Don't...we haven't known each other for a long time, but learn this about me, Porte. I hate broken promises. So, if you're not sure then please don't say it. Let your actions speak instead."

He reached for her hands, and she stilled. She wasn't expecting it, and from the look on his face, it had just been a reflex.

His skin was warm against hers as his thumb traced the palm of her hand; her fingers flexed around his of their own accord.
It was a soothing action, and in a way, she felt like he was doing it to calm her. He could probably feel her racing pulse as his hand enveloped hers.

The coolness of his rings were a welcome contrast to the sudden warmth of the room.  It felt natural in a way that it shouldn't have as her fingers curled around his.

Esi looked down at their joined hands.

As gentle as his hands were on hers, she could feel the rough calluses on his fingers. It made her wonder what activities he did to get them like that. Then, she noticed a scar.

The second one that she'd noticed in addition to the one she knew that he had on his torso.

She realized that she'd never seen it before because he normally wore long sleeved shirts. When he stepped into the room earlier, he'd already removed his jacket and rolled up his sleeves.
If she wasn't angry with him earlier, she would've paid more attention to his actions, but now that the tension had lessened a bit, everything about him was so present.

There were a few small scars criss-crossed on the back of his hand, but the largest scar ran from his wrist up along his forearm.

Where did it end?

Esi was overcome by the urge to run her fingers along to see where it ended. She hoped that one day he would tell where and how he got it. Although she could already hazard a guess.

He must have noticed her staring at it because she felt when his grip tightened, and she looked up at him.
"I won't promise you then. I'll prove it to you instead, that I can be a good friend, and maybe even..."

"Okay...let's just take it one step at a time. " She hurriedly cut him off before he could finish, and a small smirk graced his face.
His shoulders had finally relaxed, and Esi narrowed her eyes at him.

He obviously felt like they were back at the point where he could tease her again.

"I never said that I forgave you," she insisted, but a small smile graced her lips at the familiarity of him—of them.

It would have been cruel for her to laugh at how his face fell, so she didn't. But she did feel as if she had a bit more control again.

Porte observed her. "I think you have forgiven me...don't think I take it for granted at all, but I also saw how you were looking at me just now..." Esi sucked in a breath as he leaned forward.

She was assaulted by his scent– by him– and he knew it.

This was her true fear– reacting, not truly knowing plus all the confusion that Porte made her feel.

He leaned down, his head now next to hers. She could feel the brush of his hair against her cheek, the warmth of his breath on her ear.

She hated that he had the ability to change the whole tone of the room so easily. She hated that she knew that she was deluding herself about him.

Where was the confident Esi from before?

She felt like a fly trapped in a spider's web, frozen and waiting for the onslaught.

He still held her hands which kept her still.

Her traitorous body wanted to give in–to her friend. They were on their way back to that, she supposed.

Her body clearly didn't understand the concept of friendship.

Like a soft touch against her heart, he whispered again. "I am so sorry, Esi." Goosebumps ran along her arms. "I wouldn't want to ever again compromise what we've started to build." He moved even closer, as if that were even possible.

This time his lips brushed against her ear.

She was fully convinced that she died, but heaven didn't have this kind of torture, and he didn't stop there.

She felt the shift, and knew that he was smiling. "I think maybe you're the one...who wants more than a friendship."

Esi pulled her hands away from him and narrowed her eyes at him. "You just had to spoil the moment, didn't you?"

She knew that his teasing was a gentle reminder that maybe they could go back to the way that things were before.

He grinned at her. "So you admit that there was a moment?" She sucked her teeth.

Despite the fact that he was deliberately annoying her, a part of her was happy to see him smiling.

Happy that he showed her this side of him even if he didn't show others.

Because when Porte Danvers smiled in that beautiful, sure way, it was enough to convince her that her doubts were foolish.

And she couldn't help but smile back at him.

A/N Thoughts? Did she make it too easy for him?

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