Imagining Us

Ch.39-Nothing is Black and White

" To protect you from this—gestured around with his hand—to protect you from her... From me."

There was an edge of desperation to his voice that added a degree to the seriousness of his words.

The awkwardness in which he gritted out the words told her that this wasn't something that he was accustomed to. Porte Danvers did not lay himself bare in front of others.

Her mind lingered on the word 'her', but she didn't raise the point. She just wanted to know what he meant.

They stood there staring at each other—his chest heaved slightly, and there was a slight sheen to his forehead. They were closer to each other since he had taken that step forward, and she felt completely surrounded by his presence. It felt as if the temperature had risen, both metaphorically and physically. Esi's hands felt clammy, and she knew—she just knew that her edges were fraying.

He took another step forward. Warning bells rang in her mind, and her heart started to beat faster—so fast that she had to remind it that at this point, they were barely even friends. That it shouldn't be reacting this way.

Esi stepped backwards, closer to Luka's desk.

Porte's lips turned down at her action.

"You have to understand...you have to know that the problem was never you. I'm the problem. I'm always the problem." He muttered the latter part of his statement more to himself. "Bad things happen to people I care about, Esi. First, my mom, then Ta..." He stopped himself, but she knew whatever he was about to say would have shed more light to the situation.

"Then Tash," Porte said.

Esi tried to recall the name, but she could only remember what she'd heard about him—It had to have been his friend.

Porte looked away from her.

"I was there both times, Esi. I was in the car both times," he shuddered. " My mom and I were close. I'm sure you realized that my dad isn't the most welcoming."

He gave her a pointed look. "I will be addressing what happened at dinner—

"No. You don't have to," she insisted. Esi had almost pushed it to the back of her mind."

"Yes, I do!" He insisted in that firm way of his.

She wanted to feel warmly about his concern, but maybe that was his way of reclaiming control.

Esi nodded. She could give him that, at least, in the moment.

"My mom was the complete opposite of him," he bit the inside of his cheek. "There was just this brightness to her, and she shouldn't have had to...I should have just listened to her....it was late, and he was high out of his mind apparently."

He spat those last words.

"We were trapped, and I remember her talking to me. I remember the bl...the blood—

His voice broke, and her heart couldn't take it.

A ragged breath escaped Porte.

"I should have learnt from it. I knew that I shouldn't have gone to the party, and I definitely shouldn't have...shouldn't have let Tash drive," He whispered at the end.

There was something strange about his words that made Esi think that there was more to the story, but she just listened to him—let him get his words out.

"I had a feeling that something was wrong, but she insisted that she was fine, Esi," Porte said, looking at her. "What kind of friend...why didn't I stop her? I could've driven. I would've seen the—."