Imagining Us

Ch.25

It had been nearly two weeks since her Saturday coffee date with Porte, and also two weeks since he abruptly left her in the church parking lot.

Well, the first wasn't quite a date per say— they were only friends. Esi found that she had to keep reminding herself of that little fact. Even though it did feel a teeny bit like a date and chivalry was certainly not dead with Porte Danvers.

It was the little things that he did.

He'd held the door for her and pulled out her chair. She'd narrowed her eyes and raised her eyebrows at him when he did the latter. She swore that she saw a slight pink to his cheeks which further added to her confusion.

In the little time that she knew him, Porte Danvers did not blush. Everything that he did and said was intentional and deliberate. Everything he did was controlled.

At least, that was what Esi thought— until he answered that call, and his expression completely changed.

She hadn't heard a word from him since. Not a call, not a text, not even a dm— and that was "their" thing.

Esi had been so tempted to call him. She had picked up her phone so many times, and she had so many messages in her drafts that she meant to send to him.

She was worried about him, so worried that she even thought about siphoning as much information from her know-it-all roommate to find out where he lived. However, she concluded that it would've been bordering on stalking.

Then, on a Wednesday morning, as she was walking across campus, she saw him exiting from the West doors of the architecture building. She didn't even have to see his face to know that it was him. She knew his form— that curated, confident, seemingly perfect and healthy stride. Her brows furrowed in disbelief. So he was fine. She had wondered if something had happened to him, but she didn't know who to contact. Maybe he didn't want to be friends anymore.

Then, the avalanche of hurt hit her, and she bent her head downward and hit a forward stride trying to avoid eye contact with anyone as she booked it to her next class.

Esi kept her thoughts focused on her assignments throughout the day. Even when she had lunch with a few of her friends, she kept the subject limited to school or general topics. If the conversations veered towards her personal life or him, she would steer it back to safer topics.

As she lay in her bed that evening, Esi could not figure out how she'd survived the day. She knew that no matter how hard she had tried, that her mind would always stray to him. It unnerved her to no end. Even worse, it reminded her of a low time in her life— her second year of uni.

She had let herself believe again when she knew better. Esi had built those walls around her heart as high and as wide as possible. No one should—would be able to scale them. No one would be able to break them down unless she let them. She hadn't realized that Porte had been chipping away at the walls— and she had let him. It wasn't even that she was letting him in romantically, so she didn't understand why her heart was so involved.

As she lay in bed staring at the ceiling, her eyes began to water at her stupidity.

This was supposed to be different. He was supposed to be different. Her eyes burned. Esi Solomon did not cry, especially over someone she barely knew. She furiously wiped at her eyes to stop the tears that were threatening to fall.

Why was she reacting this way?

They were just friends. At least, she thought that they were, but maybe he thought differently.

If that were true, then why did she feel this way? However she felt about Porte, this situation made her feel less than herself— less than she was worth.

It reminded her of her second year in college that she'd tried so desperately to forget.

~~~~~~~~~~

She'd never told her parents how bad it had gotten that sophomore year. They knew that something was bothering her, that her grades were being affected, but they didn't know the cause of it. In her naïveté, she had felt special. He had said all the right things at the right time. She'd told him her secrets, her innermost fears. Him. Just the thought of him still caused goose pimples across her skin.

It was wrong to blame them all— but, she could never date another Andrew.

He was a psychology major. He was learning the secrets of the mind; the things that caused people to act a certain way, to take certain actions, the things that prevented people from living life to its fullest—and I was his guinea pig.

They met in a one semester ethics class. Partners for a project sorted by last names. Elizabeth Solomon. Andrew Sommers.

It should've stopped there. One class. One project. But he needed a test subject. Esi was wary at first. Why would someone that looked like him be interested in her? It wasn't as if she thought that her looks were less than acceptable, but realistically as a black woman...no. No one did a double take when she walked into the room. As much as she wanted to, she didn't give off "main character energy". Whatever that meant.

But she had determined that what Andrew Sommers did would not define the rest of her life. She wouldn't let him skew future romantic options. Her last relationship—post Andrew—was fun and light. She didn't have to worry about losing her heart or herself. It was also so easy to walk away from. She was definitely more cautious of who she trusted and gave her heart to.

That sentiment was why she didn't understand why this was bothering her so much. Maybe it was because of the strides that they had made in such a short time. How they had leveled with each other somehow. How he actively pursued their friendship.

Esi was hesitant at first. It felt like it had come out of nowhere, like she had to tread lightly. He had somehow convinced her, and nearly five months later, she wanted it.

So for him to pull the rug from under her in this way—rattled her.

Perhaps it was how she had spoken to him, but she didn't deserve to be spoken to so sternly, especially when she had done nothing wrong. Her heart was open enough to know that she should extend some bit of empathy to him. Something had bothered him that day. Something that made him act out of the norm with her. She wanted to hear his side of it. She wanted to listen to him, like he listened to her.

Christmas was in a week, and her family was traveling down to Trinidad—out of this terribly cold weather. With her last papers due, she knew that the chances of her seeing him was improbable.

Yet, Esi had enough compassion to keep sending messages that she hoped was reaching him. She would do it over and over again because that was how she was.. That was what had her still extending friendship in spite of the missed calls—in spite of the unanswered messages.

She justified her actions by telling herself that she would have done it for any of her other friends.

Deep down, a small part of her knew that something more pushed her.

She had no intention of naming whatever it was.

A/N

I think it's safe to say that Act I is complete. Now, we hit the ground running. The feelings, the angst and hopefully some romance. Be prepared to feel.

 I really hope that you've been enjoying this story. Please vote and comment( even if it's just a hi!)

x E