Imagining Us

Ch.50- Something Keeps Pulling Me Back

Shame.

That was what she felt after her conscience had won over her justifications.

Esi had put herself on a cleanse for the week.

A cleanse from Porte. Unknowing to him.

He'd messaged her only to receive vague, one-word answers or she would conveniently be too busy when he called.

Esi was proud of herself the first three days. Her head was down, fully focused on her work, going through the motions of classes.

It would've been a lie for her to say that he hadn't been on her mind–constantly–but she was determined to reset. To take back control of her breath which she seemed to have to wrangle more and more around him.

Funnily enough, even though sometimes she felt like she couldn't breathe around Porte, it was one of the few times where she felt like she didn't have to know where everything was going. She didn't ever feel like she was stuck between two moving walls that were closing in on her.

Midway through the week, Porte sent her a message that completely threw off her plans.

'Did I do something wrong?'

Her fingers had hovered over her phone as she thought of what to say. The petty part of her wanted to say that 'see how I felt?', but if she had felt that way then, she could imagine what he was thinking.

'If you're going through something and you need to talk, I'm here. Call me. Text me. Anytime, Elizabeth.'

He didn't stop there.

'I know it's hypocritical of me after what I did but I'm here for you.'

She could at least type more than one word, to reassure him that he hadn't done anything and that she was up to her neck in work. Her message remained clear and to the point.

Still, he messaged her every day to check on her.

Until he stopped.
~~~~

Esi had resisted the urge to ask Luka about Porte on Thursday night at dinner with their former classmates. How she'd managed that was unknown to her. Maybe Porte had reneged on what he'd promised, and it was within his rights with these games that she seemed to be playing.

Still, it stung a bit.

More than a bit.

Yet she laughed and smiled throughout the meal, trying desperately not to look at Luke—with that smile so reminiscent of his brother's.

Luke followed her to her vehicle after. The March breeze biting her cheeks ever so often. She hoped that April would bring warmer weather, though that was probably wishful thinking on her part. There was silence between them, but she heard the occasional 'Hey Danvers' shouted across the lot to Luke.

How did they breathe with the focus always on them.

Esi felt a soft nudge on her right shoulder.

"You okay?" Luke asked.

She nodded.

"Do you want to talk about it?" He asked.

Talk about it.

Familiar words.

Esi looked up at him, the concern in his eyes causing her to blink rapidly.

"I'm fine, Luka," she insisted.

He didn't respond as they continued to walk at that deliberately slow pace that Luke had set. Strange for someone with such long legs.

How much longer to her car?