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5. Too much (Platonic) (Debut x Rep)

A/N; A little excerpt. Spoilers if you havent read it in full yet, but it's set in How you get the girl when everyone has left Bicycles house except for us, kind of an AU. Rep hasn't been tortured and it's set before the second time it happens to Debut

Debut's perspective; 

1989 had just left, and I was shuffling the beds around again. I knew that Rep didn't want me too close to her, so I was trying to avoid putting them too close together. Bicycle moved all of the beds out as people left, and the room felt undeniably more empty than it had when we first arrived a matter of months ago. I sat down on my bed, looking at the room and remembering how it started off cluttered with 6 beds, but we were now down to 2. 

I tucked my knees up to my chest, shooting a look over at Rep. She was sitting on her bed, as usual, just watching her phone. What does she even find to do on there for like 29 hours a day? I'm a bit of an addict myself but at the same time.
She was probably texting Lover if i'm being honest. 

I checked the time, realising that it would be about sunset. I missed watching the sunset, it was my favourite time of the day. My train of thoughts led me to remembering how Fearless and I had planned a date to sit on top of the big hill near us and watch the sun go down. It never happened, because we got sent to bicycle before we had time to bring it into fruition, which made me sad to think about. 

What would the sunset look like that night? Would it be stunningly pink with a golden glow of clouds and orange highlights running through it? Or maybe it would be a calm sunset, a purple and blue painted sky illuminated with the dots of forming stars. I would never know. 

A tear slipped down my cheek and I silently cursed at myself, asking why the fuck was I crying over not seeing the sunset, there are infinite of them after all. But it wasn't about the sunset, not really. It was about all the things I would miss, all the many nights I would spend, just wondering. Wondering and not knowing. The sunset felt like a metaphor for everything going on in my life, all of the things I was unsure about. 

I was missing out on so much being locked up. I missed Fearless, I missed my bed, I missed the sunset, the night sky, the blaring sun in summer. I missed being with everyone, missed the chaotic dinners, missed knowing what was going to happen in the future. I even found myself missing school, missing the familiarity of routine, even the things I didn't like, like being woken up in the middle of the night to someone having sex somewhere in the house at 3am. Okay maybe I didn't miss that. 

The overwhelming sense of not knowing filled my senses and I sniffed, leaning back against the head rest as I cried softly for all the things I didn't have. I was guilty, guilty for feeling like this when there are so many people who have a worse situation than me. 

I was so caught up in my own feelings that I didn't notice Rep watching me, putting down her phone and standing up, or walking over. I looked up at her with a start as I noticed her sitting down next to me, sighing sadly. 

"You alright kid?" She murmured, looking at me. 

"It's just a lot," I whispered. "I'm guessing you'd understand because we're both in here together, and I feel kind of bad for saying this, but I just.. I feel... doesn't matter, I'm just being stupid sorry," I shook my head, stopping myself.

"No go on," She prompted, cocking her head. 

"I just feel so, so incredibly... alone," I said shakily. "Like I have nothing. Everything is gone or ruined," I let out a sob, my head falling forwards into my hands as I assumed Rep to be walking away or scoffing. I paused when I felt a tentative arm snaking around my shoulder. I peeked through my fingers to see Rep looking into the distance. 

"I'm sorry kid," She sighed. "I should be making more of an effort, this must be so scary for you," 

"It kind of is," I admitted. "The future's so uncertain and even after I get out of here, when it eventually happens seeing as I'll probably be the last to go, I don't know what's going to happen."

"Being a teenager is fucking hard, yeah," She laughed scornfully, but for once I felt it wasn't at me, more so... agreeing with me? It was probably one of the first positive interactions I had had with Rep, and I couldn't be more happy (even though I was scared, and sad, and angry at the same time- it was just a day of big feelings)

Rep's perspective; 

I felt the curly haired teen shift, and she wrapped her arms around me, launching herself into me. I froze, not particularly ready for that type of physical contact. My first instinct was to shove her off and run away, but sometimes we can't trust out instincts. I took a breath to collect myself, patting her on the back awkwardly and feeling slightly reminiscent of every male high school football coach ever after a game is won. 

"You'll be alright," I offered. "I promise I'll try to be more, uh, friendly," 

"Thank you Rep," She mumbled. "I wanted to be friends with you, but you're a little... intimidating," 

"Also a little bit of a bitch. I'm working on it, i promise." I wasn't lying, Lover had told me that if I didn't stop being so rude to everyone then she would start acting the way I do to them towards me. Safe to say she has me wrapped around her finger. 

"I think it's really brave that you're trying," She said, removing herself from me (I was rather relieved. However much I was trying I still wouldn't voluntarily hug her) 

"Oh um, I don't-"

"No, it's a hard step to take," She looked at me with big eyes. "You could just stay that way and make excuses, but choosing to try is big," 

"T-Thanks," I stuttered. That made me emotional. Fuck. I don't get eMoTiOnAl. That's not me. Or is it? I dunno anymore. 

"Are you crying?" She asked softly. 

"No I'm not," I said defensively, scrubbing at my eyes and cursing the stray droplets of water that escaped. Bicycle must have been secretly chopping onions from inside the walls, my eyes were very sensitive. "I don't cry and you know that."

"I might be pushing a boundary here, but I want to say that you are not weak for crying. If someone or something in your past has made you think that then I'm sorry," 

"No, um- n- not crossing a boundary," More tears fell from my eyes. "But uh, no nothing happened, of course nothing happened why would anything have happened?" 

"Rep," She placed a hand on my arm gently. "I'm not going to make you talk about it. I know it must be a sensitive topic, but you're allowed to cry," 

A noise came out of my throat for some reason, I think I meant to talk but it came out more like I had started sobbing. Which obviously didn't happen. 

"Hey, it's okay, you're okay," The small girl in front of me pulled me closer to her and I cried into her shoulder, feeling like a stupidly big baby crying to a 16 year old. "Breathe, you're going to be okay," 

A few minutes later I took a deep breath and removed myself from her shoulder, closing my eyes to calm myself down further. 

"Um, thanks for, h- that. I know you were upset too," I admitted. 

"I'm alright," She smiled, waving it off. "Happy to help," 

A/N; Another update im on fire fr (let's not talk abt the fact they were similiar, it's just what I had inspiration for, hope it's okay)