Speculations of an Artistic Mind: Jane's Thoughts

June 20, 2015 ~ The End of Something Worth Ending

For nine months your constant nearness haunted me ruthlessly. The light in your window casting the shadow of you on the walls and burning you into my memory. The torture and the pain you put me through was excruciating and drawn out for all these months, but you didn't care. Not one bit.

But now, all of a sudden, you are gone. Erased from this place, fixed as though you never were. Rendering all my days of pain saturated misery pointless. You left without a trace or care in the world.

I had done so well in blocking you out that I thought I'd moved on, but it was not until now that I had been forced to come face to face with myself about this. Your sudden failure to exist caught me surprised by such an abrupt meeting with the truth: you are the one who took the last step and put an end to our twisted little story, and that makes me the weak one. You've already succeeded in making me feel unwanted, but now you've made me feel unwanted and weak. How could I have ever wanted to be wanted back by someone like that?

But now I'm glad that you're gone. I'm glad that I never have to see your face again to be reminded of my loneliness and feelings of inadequacy. You know, now I feel relieved - lucky even - to know that you didn't want me. I should have been more offended if someone like that had liked me, that would have truly made me feel worthless.

You may have been the one to physically remove yourself, but I am the one who truly reigned champion, because in the end, I learned something about myself and you stayed in the exact same place. And that is the worst tragedy of all.

So I don't feel sad anymore that my name will never again cross your mind. I am thankful that thoughts of me will never touch your sick mind again.