Speculations of an Artistic Mind: Jane's Thoughts

May 26, 2014 ~ Tempest Black

Two months.

That is how long I have been silent.

I wish I could say that things have been going wonderfully in these past months, but that would be an outright deception. And I don’t want to deceive you.

Things have been hard, but I am only just trying to get through it, because that is the best I can do at the moment. You see, sometimes Reality throws you into the deepest, darkest part of the ocean, where waves are thrashing and the currents are sucking. The only thing that you can focus on right then is fighting to stay afloat; sometimes you cannot get back at Reality like you want until the storm passes.

My life has been like this these past months, and I will be the first to say that it is very heavy. It weighs on you as if all of your baggage is perpetually strapped to your back as you trek across the world to your destination. It brings you down so much so that your chin scrapes the ground as you fight to walk.

I want things to be different. I want to be able to change things for myself, but sometimes it seems so hopeless. I don’t know how to get where I want to go and become who I want to be. I am chained to a dependency that makes me a slave and keeps me back from finding out how to do exactly that: go where I want and be who I want. I don’t know how to escape and I wonder if I ever will.

I wonder if I ever will.

I ponder all this despair, but can find no solid solution. There is only one thing that I can find to cling to as every other lifeline gets ripped to shreds by the merciless tempest.

Hope.

I suppose that all I can do is hope, if I can keep it alive. All I have in this raging hurricane is me, but maybe that is not entirely true; I have hope. It is a little light in my watery pocket that I need to keep close to my heart. It is not much, no, but it is something. And when you are stuck in the middle of a storm with a black heart, something just may be the one thing that keeps you breathing in the end.