My Mind

Secrets 9

Despite having wanted to enjoy as much of the concert as I could I ended up studying them and the difference between back stage and on stage. It was shocking really. Niall didn't hide anything and was just the person I first saw him as. Proud of who he was.

Liam and Louis were the same as Niall except Louis was to an eye like mine struggling with something but it wasn't very noticeable. Harry seemed slightly sick but other than that and the way to obvious glances to Louis he was fine. Zayn however.

His shirt hung loosely around him luckily it was black as he got water thrown all over him and it stuck to his skin now. His awfully thin figure stuck out to me. I compare what I was seeing to videos I had seen of earlier on in his career.

While the others were more active on stage he ran around less. He sat down more as well. As the concert ended I turned to Nova to see her talking energetically to a stranger beside her.

"Nova?" She turns briefly.

I look back to the stage and she nods so I leave her to talk to the people around us while I make my way over the railing and backstage surprisingly not being stopped by anyone until Paul saw me.

"Nadia" he calls and I pause turning as he jogs to catch up.

"What did you think?" He asks.

I hesitate unsure of what to say. "I'm concerned" I finally decide to say.

"It was all amazing I loved the concert but I'm concerned about them"

"Me too but why are you concerned?" He asks confused.

"Liam alcohol, Niall needs help for his knee and he's self image is bad around management even the boys sometimes, Harry has self harm habits, Louis needs help to control his insecurities and both of them need a break from hiding it's killing them, and Zayn" I pause at Zayn.

"If Zayn doesn't get help or at least a break his anorexia is going to kill him"

Paul looks at me fully understanding what I had said. "How did you figure all that out?"

"I have a medical degree but for me it's not hard to notice like how I know your diets not doing anything for you, you're not getting enough nutrients"

"Wha..." Paul just shakes his head.

"I've already tried" he says sadly "management won't give him a break even just a week"

I think for a moment before meeting his eye.

"He needs to quit"

~~~~~~~
Niall and I sit heads together watching friends on his laptop that was resting on our knees. The others were either asleep or doing something on their phones. It wasn't a long flight but they were all exhausted.

I had offered to keep Niall company and that was what I was doing but I was also helping Zayn. He was sitting on his phone scrolling through something. Niall falls asleep so I carefully stand and make my way to where Zayn was.

"Zayn what are you doing?" I ask crouching next to his seat.

"They all hate me" he whispers and I see that he was on twitter.

I take his phone quickly and read through a few comments. They weren't that bad but he had ended up where there were a lot of them.

"Zayn if you look that's only around five people and look at this" I scroll only a little further and let him continue to read. "Five haters but dozens of people defending you, more than that actually"

"But they're right" he whispers.

"Zayn, I understand what you're saying but they're not, they're making things up to make you feel bad. None of what they say is true and you know why" he shakes his head and I continue.

"Because I've seen you, I've spent time with you and I've talked to you. These people haven't. I know you Zayn and you are an incredibly smart and talented person. You love so much that it fills me with pride and love to see how much you care about others. You are an amazing person Z, yes you may have struggle with your anxiety and eating but guess what" I take a deep breath closing my eyes briefly.

"So do I Zayn walking outside sometimes feels like I'm dying but I do it anyway for the things I love and the people I love. I feel like I can't breathe sometimes and I can't seem to ever get a break. You're not alone Z, we're not alone in this okay" I take his hand and he holds on tight.

"I'm sorry" he mumbles.

"Don't be sorry for me, I'm used to it, it's how I grew up." I whisper.

"You shouldn't have to help me when you're struggling" he says.

"Yes I may be struggling but I want to help YOU, I care about you Z, and I know how much that means to you because I had no one and I got worse. It took one person to save me and if you need me I will be your person. I'll do whatever I can to save you because I don't want anyone to experience what I went through" I don't say anything about how I'm getting worse, how my body is being affected not just my mind.

"You'll always have me" I whisper and kiss him on the cheek before handing his phone back and going to my seat.

I curl up in the seat and lean into Niall placing my hand in his. I needed a physical touch right now. I know Zayn needed to hear that he's not the only one struggling but it took so much out of me to tell him. I feel nialls grip tighten and look down at our interlocked fingers. He's my home at the moment and I'm terrified to lose it.