Struggling to Breathe

Diamond

Iris walked me home, and I left the crew. Those people who really did mean a lot to me... But Iris meant so much more to me.

Once I crawled through my window, I expected Iris to leave, go home and go back to not being near me. Much to my surprise, she crawled through the window after me, slipping through it easily. She sat on my window sill, which had pillows and cushions on it for comfort. She grabbed a cushion and pulled it close against her chest, sighing slightly. I walked over to my bed and plopped down on top of it, gazing over at her.

"Ehm..." I began, looking off slightly. "Iris..."

"It's okay," she whispered behind the pillow. "You were mad and I was insulting you. I... didn't even realize I had-"

"Iris," I interrupted. "I'm so sorry."

I walked over to her, wrapping my arms around her tightly and closing my eyes. She suddenly whimpered and dove her face into my shoulder. "Sebastian," she murmured, almost crying. I felt my shoulder become damp, and I held her closer.

We sat by the window for a while, just sitting there, gazing out it at the trees and the high moon. We would rock side to side slowly at points.

Iris whispered, "Tomorrow."

I looked at her. "Hmmm?" I questioned.

She looked up at me. "Can I talk to you tomorrow?"

I creased my eyebrows and tilted my head. "Why not now?" I asked.

"I... need to think first," she murmured. "And I'm... I'm tired. I should get home, mam will be back from work soon."

She crawled out of my arms and started to squeeze out the window. I grabbed her sleeve. "Iris," I called softly.

She looked back at me. "Bye Sebastian."

I had the words playing on my mouth. They begged to be said, I had to tell her, I needed to tell her.

"Bye," I whispered softly, and let go.

She left, taking some part of me with her.

No, I was a fool, I didn't know what that was. I probably just had strong feelings for her.

Then why did you want to tell her you love her?

I didn't know why. She didn't even know me well enough to love me.

And here I was, absolutely certain I loved her. I mean, she meant a lot to me, and I wanted to be with her. That was love, wasn't it?

I hoped tomorrow would arrive sooner.

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"Sebastian!" Gran called. I woke up and sprang up on the bed.

"Yes Gran?!" I yelled back.

"Just making sure you were awake sweetie!" Oh, that sly woman.

I pushed down on the bed and looked at myself in the mirror. I rubbed my face and grabbed a black top, maroon chinos and a big black jumper, pulling them on quickly. I stared at myself in the mirror afterwards, noticing the bags under my eyes and how sickly pale I looked. I sighed and walked out of my room, I not the kitchen.

Gran was making breakfast. I made a beeline for the fridge, and walked right past the visitor to the house. Once I grabbed the cold strawberries, I got myself a cup and got the hot kettle on top of the stove to make myself coffee.

"Sebby?" Gran asked. I glanced back at her as I shovelled out the sugar. "Aren't you going to day goodmorning to our guest?"

I looked towards the table to apologise, and greet the stranger... before I saw the shine off his perfectly blonde hair.

Fucking Marcus.

What the fuck was he doing here.

"Hello, Sebastian," he greeted, smiling fakely. Gran frowned and sighed.

"Marcus honey, be nice to Sebby."

Marcus took a bite from the porridge in front of him, never taking his eyes off me. "Gran," I began. "What the fuck is he doing here?" I never took my eyes off him.

Gran opened her mouth to speak, but Marcus spoke for her. "I invited myself down to see how you were doing, your mother is worried about you," he said with a grin.

Marcus was an asshole. I hated him more than anyone else at this moment, for the simplest reason.

He was my adopted brother for two years.

You know why I say he was my adopted brother? It's because he was so out of control, my mum couldn't take him. He moved out on his own, and I know that was my fault. I told on him for hitting Fern, and he was forced out. He was 10 years older than us.

My mum adopted because... well, she felt sorry for him. No one else wanted him.

Well no fucking surprise. He was a pure fool.

"Marcus, get out of my grans house," I ordered. He took another bite out of the porridge. "Marcus, get out."

He sat where he was, finishing his food. Once he was done, he stood up, washed the bowl and smiled at me. He wore a suit today - he must've had a meeting.

Hope it went awfully.

"Bye," I said sarcastically. He walked up to me and looked me in the eyes.

"Goodbye, Sebastian," he said through gritted teeth.

Oh, the pure fucker.

I held back the temptation to hit him, and Gran led him out. She walked back in moments later. "Sebastian, can't you just get along with him? He apologised many times!"

"He hit me, and he hit Fern. I'll never forgive him gran. Never."

The doorbell rang seconds later and the door was opened. Iris skipped in and smiled, as if nothing had happened last night.

"Iris!" Gran exclaimed and ran over to her to hug her. Iris laughed and hugged her. "What brings you here!? What about-" Gran cut a side glance at me.

"It's all okay now," Iris soothed and smiled. "I was actually hoping to take him off your hands for a few hours, is that okay?"

Gran chuckled. "Of course, anything to get him out of this house!"

Iris looked over at me and half smiled, grabbing my wrist. "Come on," she urged.

I lifted my lips into what I could try of a smile and walked with her out the door.