Struggling to Breathe

Teal

I was let go home the day after. Iris was waiting in my room, despite what happened the day before. She was smiling, and acted like nothing had happened.

"Hey," she said, as I sat down on my bed. "Sorry about your mam, is she okay?" She asked.

I nodded and smiled slightly. "Yeah, yeah she's okay... she... she just wasn't coping well. Fern is being moved here, mams staying in hospital."

I put my head in my hands and sighed. Iris tried to put her hand on my shoulder, but I flinched and moved away. I then immediately turned and hugged her, to which she gratefully hugged me back.

We never mentioned the day before after that, and I'm not sure why.

But we really should have.

○●○●○●○●○●○●○

"Happy half birthday!" Gran whooped as she opened the door to my room. I was half asleep and woke up with a jolt, rubbing my eyes.

Every 6 months, my mam and dad used to like to celebrate Fern and I's half birthdays. They had celebrated them with their parents too; it was just a silly tradition we had.

But it also mean it was almost 6 months since dad died.

"Oh," I murmured and sat up, opening my eyes to a circle of flames. The soft teal icing that decorated the cake adequately wrote 'Happy half Birthday Sebby'. I smiled slightly at the crudely drawn smiley face in the corner, along with the crooked heart at the top.

"It's your favourite: Sponge cake!" Iris announced from behind gran. "Gran made it herself, I did some of the icing... it didn't go quite to plan, but I'm sure you'll like it."

"It looks amazing," I said, smiling.

Gran raised the cake towards my face slightly. "You may blow out your candles sweetie. And don't forget to make a wish."

I closed my eyes and made the instant wish that my family (or what was left of it) would be okay. I opened my eyes and blew out the candles quickly.

After wards I followed Iris and Gran back into the kitchen, for cake.

Yes, cake for breakfast. Why you ask? Why not?

I dragged my feet across the floor as I grabbed plates and forks. Iris began to make tea as Gran was getting a large knife to cut the cake.

It was October now. There was a bitter chill going down the lane, a very early winter. Nothing much had changed since Mam had been put in hospital. Fern was in the bedroom at the end of the room, looking like the robot she has been for months. I was waiting for the day she woke up, but at the same time, getting frighteningly used to her being in such a state.

Iris and I were probably closer than ever. She seemed to always be at my house, or asking me to come over to hers. She told me her days were lonelier, she had no one really, and now that she had me, it felt lonelier when I went.

I needed Iris. I really did. She was my only source of happiness. I practically fed off it, it helped me smile, which I wanted.

That evening, we went outside, out to the meadow, to have a picnic, just myself and Iris. We were still writing the book. We had rewritten it about forty times, giving it a plot, removing it, adding characters, removing characters, until we finally found a story. We had gotten through 19 long and descriptive chapters. It was a diary style book, so we literally had to become the main character.

"I think we should add in another sketch here," Iris said after we completed paragraph. "That's a where a new image begins, so a picture might be good here."

I quickly took the sketchbook off her and reread the paragraph, getting a mental image of the scene. I sketched the tree with the girl underneath it roughly, a small cat in her hand, staring at the sun. I had it done in less that 10 minutes, and handed it back to Iris, to which she nodded approvingly.

"That's really good, I'm glad we have these in the story," commented Iris as she traced the picture I drew with her finger delicately. I smiled, and lay back, tired.

Iris closed the book, carefully placing it inside her satchel. She lay back slowly, and I laid one arm out for her to lie on. I slid the arm around her waist, and put my other hand behind my head, looking up at the golden sky.

"Sebastian?" Iris whispered, tucked into my side.

"Yeah?" I replied, keeping my eyes on the sky.

"I wish it was just us." I looked down at her confusingly.

"Hmmm? What do you mean, just us?" I asked.

"Oh," she said, slightly disgruntled. "Well, I wish there was no one else in the world but us. I mean, I'd have you to myself. My Sebby." She kissed my cheek and smiled.

I lifted my lips into a smile and looked at the sky. "Hey Iris? Can I ask, did you ever have a boyfriend before me?"

She froze slightly. "Um, well, no."

I knew she was lying. I just knew it. It wasn't that I knew what she was like when she lied, or that she was a bad lier, but I could just tell she was lying.

"You sure about that?" I asked.

"Yes," she lied.

"Iris," I said through clenched teeth. "Don't lie."

"Sebby, can't we just leave it?" She asked nervously.

"Tell. Me." I tightened my grip on her waist.

Iris silence sat in silence for a few seconds before whispering, "Ouch."

I loosened my grip and sighed. I had to stop doing that. Anger got the better of me these days.

"Okay, so, wanna go back for dinner?" I asked, changing conversation. I felt Iris sigh with relief, her grip on my shirt loosen. She sat up and rubbed her eyes, nodding.

"Yeah, we better, gran would kill us if we were late."

I laughed. "I still don't know how that old woman has so much power."

"She's an amazing woman," Iris said smugly.

I grabbed her hand and began to walk with her, back to my house.