Struggling to Breathe

Maroon

And that was basically my life after I moved into my grans. Iris became my morning sunshine. She became the easiest part of life, and suddenly it became a little simpler to breathe.

Seven weeks later however, after visiting Fern... something tough got me.

I was sitting on a bed, looking at my scars, making a promise not to do that again, just for Iris... when I felt this... uncomfortable pressure on my chest.

I creased my brows and suddenly my lungs felt sore. I began to wheeze, and I lay back on my bed. My eyes watered over, and I couldn't control the small whimper that escaped my lips.

I felt my toes cramp, followed by my hands, and my eyes rolled back. I arched my back and endured probably the... most horrific experience I would ever have.

I felt tremors racket through my body, and I couldn't breathe. After long, long moments of this horror, whatever was holding me, released. I dropped my back and my hands and toes were fine. Tears dropped down my face.

I began to hyperventilate. What. The fuck. Just happened.

"GRAN!" I yelled, almost crying. I felt like such a child, but this was too much, what just happened?

"What? What is it?" Iris yelled as she sat up from her deep sleep. I suddenly remembered I was on a sleepover with her, which had somehow slipped my mind in the process.

I was lying still, afraid to move. "Iris," I panted. "Iris, I just went into this weird thing, I couldn't control my body, it was like I was possessed or something, Iris, I can't breathe, Iris, Iris," I stuttered. She jumped up and ran over to me.

She had been sleeping on the floor in a sleeping bag, we hadn't slept in the same bed since that first night. Iris sat down beside me on the bed.

"Sebby, Sebby, look at me," she ordered as my breathing got out of control. I felt a hand on my wrist and looked around the room in panic.

"103 bpm, that's not okay, okay, Sebastian, look at me sweetie, Sebby..." She grabbed my face and forced me to look into her eyes. I whimpered slightly and continued to breathe oddly.

"Sebby, it's okay, it's going to be okay, just... caaaalm dooowwnn..." She cooed. I looked into her grayish eyes and slowly, my breathing calmed. She held my face so close to hers, that I could feel her breath against my face.

"There," she said, stroking her hands through my hair. "You better now?"

I nodded and continued to look at her beautiful face as she fixed my blanket and lay me back down. "From the looks of things, you had a panic attack. Don't worry, I get them too. They just attack your body whenever you over think things, sometimes randomly. They come and go, don't worry, I'm here now."

Iris turned to get back into her sleeping bag, so I reached out and grabbed the bottom of her tank top. "No," I whispered. She looked back at me and walked over to the bed, raising an eyebrow.

"Want me to...?" She questioned. I nodded and pulled over the sheets, giving her room to get in. She squeezed in beside me and cuddled up against me, thankful for my presence. I wrapped my arms around her and closes my eyes.

"Sebastian?" She whispered.

"Mmmm?" I replied.

"I think I like you more than I like anyone else," she murmured, shy. I smiled and dove my fingers in her thick, long hair.

"I think I'm the exact same," I responded.
She smiled and and pulled me closer, hugging me tighter. We both fell asleep locked in eachother embrace, utterly happy for probably the first time in months.

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"It would be a great idea!" Iris boasted, smiling at her colourful clipboard. "I mean, your gran would love it, and we could really get to get a deep sense of some emotions!"

I sighed and rubbed the bridge of my nose between my fore finger and thumb. "But I don't like that many people around me, you know that," I complained.

She held her hands behind her back and pouted. "Pwease?" She begged, looking at me with big eyes. I sighed.

"Okay, but you're telling Gran we're going to the carnival, not me."

Yes, a carnival. A god forsaken, hell ridden, fucking crazy carnival. What as so enticing about carnivals anyway? They made people sick, had vile food and smelt of smoke and puke. Yet despite this, the carnival brought a sparkle to Iris' eyes that I had never seen before.

"I'll tell your gran right now!" Iris stood up and ran out of my bedroom, down the hall and into the kitchen. "Gran!" She yelled.

I heard my granny yell from the pantry. "What? What is it dear?" I stood up and walked out into the hall, padding down it and into the kitchen. Here, I saw Iris sitting on the table, waiting for Gran to come back in. I put on two slices of toast and leant against the counter top.

"Well," Iris began, smiling fiercely. "I was wondering if you would like to be so kind as to allow Sebby and I to go to the carnival, just down the road!"

Gran thought about it for a moment. Please say no, please say no, please say no!

"That would be a lovely day out!" She mused. I groaned and put my head in my hands in exasperation. "Now you young boy, its good for you to get out of the house, so be grateful."

I hid my distaste towards the idea, and Iris clapped with glee.

Yayyyy...