Thoughts Turning to Ink on Paper

A Ruined Part

Something I used to do

Something I share 

Share with my Boyfriend

Has been ruined

So ruined, that I cry

Cried so much when I slipped

Slipped into little space

It has been ruined because of certain people

Because they can't fathom

The idea that I found a healthy coping mechanism

A way for me to deal with anxiety and depression

I didn't go to drugs or alcohol

I was doing something innocent and not unpure

I hate, hate hate, hate, hate!

Hate that I can't do cgl without feeling horrible or guilty

Last night I was so tired

That I slipped into little space

I stopped myself fromo going further into little space

Because I don't want to do it at 'home'

I want to do it in person

With my Boyfriend, my Daddy

Because I'm scared 

Terrified even

Of how little I'll be

All because I haven't done it in months

Months that have been hard

So hard because of it being ruined

So ruined that I don't even know

Know if I'll even do it again

Somehing that's so important

So freaking important to us

Cgl is good, pure, a healthy coping mechanism

Not bad, wrong, unhealthy

Cgl is how my Boyfriend and I met

It's how our relationship started

By being cg and little

Then we became Boyfriend and Girlfriend

Cgl was just another added part to our relationship

I hop that I can eventually little space again

Where I'm not feeling depressed because I'm not ready to do it

Where I'm not feeling worried because of a certain someone

Where I'm not feeling scared because I'll be little when I'm not with my Boyfriend

I wish for a day where I can be free of all of this 

Cgl is important to me and my Boyfriend

But I don't feel the need to do it everyday

Every once in a while yes

Because we both stll want it

Still want to do it

But not  until we're both ready 

ANd in person again

Hopefully when August time comes

We can be together

And finally fully heal

From everything that's happened