Eclipse: Time Thief (Romantasy)

52. Disillusioned

Seeing Flare clutch Elsie brought all my feelings of failure and futility from my first two lives crashing down on me.

If I tried to take Elsie from Flare, it could hurt the girl. Did I feel confident that I could save her without risking her life? Besides, I literally hadn't been able to die because I was going to die during the eclipse. If that wasn't confirmation that it was unavoidable then I didn't know what was.

Really, I'd accomplished my mission. I'd freed my people. If I had to die, at least I'd done that.

"No," Nash whispered.

Flare whistled and a horse galloped from the Prophet's campground. She placed Elsie's little body on the horse, climbed up, and held the girl once more.

"Oh, and don't be foolish, dear girl. I'm linked with the Prophet. We can communicate. If you harm him or try to escape, I'll be forced to hurt her to save this world from you." Flare held my eyes a moment longer and then turned away. There was nothing I could do to stop her. I couldn't fight openly, not with Elsie in danger. I needed take a more subtle approach that didn't endanger the child.

The truth hammered at me though. I couldn't die because I was going to die at the eclipse. It was unavoidable.

Flare faded from my mind. The Prophet and Piercey and Val faded. All the people and the disciples watching us were gone. It was only Nash and me.

"Nash," I said.

He shook his head, refusing to look at me.

"Nash." My hands slid up his arms softly. "Elsie needs you to be smart about this."

His jaw muscles bunched. His nostrils flared.

"I can't fight what's already happened. It's already happened to me so many times. I always die in the eclipse. Look at me. I'll take the Prophet down with me. You go get your daughter back."

Nash's amber eyes locked onto mine and there was no gentleness there. No softness to be found. He had a warrior's eyes. "How dare you give up so easily?"

My voice got stuck in my throat.

"Fight for yourself like you fight for your people and your world. Max." He clutched my shoulders and shook me. "Fight!"

"She has your daughter."

"So find a way to save you both."

"I'm not afraid to die."

I rose on my toes and pressed my lips to his, but he took my face in his hands and pulled me back.

"I'm not giving up," he said.

"I've lived three lives hot-headed and blinded by rage. The truth is clear now and I'm not waging a pointless war against it. I'm saving my battle for killing the Prophet when he kills me. But I'm powerless to change the death I've already experienced."

"You're not. You could kill the Prophet right now."

"I don't want the power to kill." Hot tears rushed from my eyes. "What kind of power is that? I bring darkness to our world when I want to bring light."

Pain twisted Nash's face. "If you think your power is only good for killing, then find out what you can really do. You're not Eclipse." He pressed his forehead against mine and whispered so only I could hear. "Find your true name."

Piercey walked up to where I could see him in the corner of my eye. "Give us a second to think, okay? You're not dying."

"Flare could kill Elsie at any time." I wiped my face and stepped away from Nash.

"Then she would lose her leverage," Piercey said.

I stared at Nash. "She still has plenty of leverage over me." I smiled sadly.

"Max!" Wren rushed for me with Leif a few steps behind her. What was he doing leaving his family's side when he just got them back?

There was no stopping them this time. I could tell by the look on Leif's face. They both came to my side.

"What's happening?" Wren gripped my hand.

I couldn't bring myself to speak the words.

Then, Nash pushed past me, chasing after Flare's retreating form. "Do the gods know you've lost yourself to your power?" His voice raised. "Turn and face me. Do they know?"

Flare stopped, but she didn't come closer. "I'm sorry it came to this, Nash. I really was always fond of you."

"Nash." My voice croaked. "Stop. This is dangerous."

"You said you're trying to save young worlds," Nash said. "Your people are supposed to be better. So what happened to you?"

She was quiet for a moment. "I've lived with perfect for so long now. There's something real in your world. Something in your humanity that shines only in tragedy and war. Something my people lost long ago when we evolved beyond death and strife." Her voice quieted. "Perfect can't stay perfect in a broken world. I think I've found who I was meant to be, if not for all the perfect I've lived in."

She gripped the reins and took off in a gallop.

Nash's jaw muscles flexed. "If her people are so perfect they must have a place for broken monsters like her. They need to know that's where she belongs."

"We have no way of telling them. Please, don't get yourself killed for no reason."

Nash clutched the back of my head in his strong grasp and looked down into my eyes. "You're more than enough reason, Max." He kissed me hard and desperate. "I won't let you go. And I won't let that woman ruin our world and her own. She's a threat to everything she touches. Don't surrender. We need to figure out how we'll save Elsie, not waste time on sacrificing you."

"She told us how to save her. The fight is over."

What did he think we could do? Flare was already disappearing with little Elsie. I listened to their heart beats until they grew too faint to hear.

Nash ripped away from me and strode for the Prophet. "Flare will use you to kill Max because she's afraid of her. Something about Max threatens her, not just in this world, but the next one. You must know this is true after what you've seen."

The Prophet said nothing.

"You've seen something too. You want to kill Max too because you're afraid as well." Nash met him head on. "But what you're too arrogant to see is that Flare has played you for a fool all this time. Once Max is dead, she'll kill you. She'll give everything you have to the Flatlander's Prophet."

"You're lying," the Prophet said.

"I'm a good spy." Nash didn't waver. "Flare told me she would choose one of you. You're too ruthless to lead a nation. She wants a more reasonable ruler. You're a blade she's using and then will throw away."

I stepped for Nash, but Leif caught me, holding me back. "Let the boy speak," he said.

"How will you keep yourself alive after Max almost killed you in front of your best warriors and demons? You surrendered and freed her people." Nash tilted his head. "Will sacrificing her be enough? Will it be when they all know it is really Flare killing Max? That it is only because of a little girl that Max willingly lowered herself for your blade."

"I could kill you now," the Prophet said.

"Does that make you feel powerful enough to overcome the shame of Max beating you?" Nash stepped closer so he nearly touched the Prophet. "Lay even a finger on Max, and we will make sure you lose everything. All these people who bow to you out of fear will bow to Flare. You'll be nothing."