Lo siento... te amo.

Lo siento... te amo pg. 20

"It's ruining me, Nathalie!"

I was shaken by his words and his voice, it was so loud and powerful as if he was in...

"I want to sort out my feelings with—"

... as if he was in great pain.

"Rodrigo it was just a damn clear text message. Wake up!"

"You don't understand Nathalie I want to sort out my feelings for you. I'm having a hard time."

"Oh God! Stop making me laugh Rodrigo."

"So this is laughable to you?"

His eyes are still soulful.

"What if it is?" No, this is a lie it's not for me but I need to say this in your face.

He let out a deep sigh. He's still gripping the paper tightly.

"I know you're busy go back to your work and let me leave we don't have anything to sort out."

"I let you come with me in my office to know my feelings Nathalie then this is just what you want, to leave me hanging here?!"

"I don't even know that you need to sort your feelings for me while I'm by your side you should at least explain so that I would not misunderstand!"

"God Nathalie I don't even understand that message you sent me so you owe me an explanation too. Don't be selfish!"

Selfish. Am I being selfish now? All I want is to go back to my old self, to the old Nathalie so is that called being selfish?

"Listen Rodrigo I don't know you entirely and you know that."

"Yes! You're damn right Nathalie we don't know each other. I don't even know you like your ex!"

Hearing that word breaks me. It looks like that word will always be behind me. I was in complete shock. I figured out I was not so strong enough not to be shaken.

I scoffed at what he said after a minute to showed him I was unbothered. An act. I displayed it in front of him.

"So you want to know me."

I walk towards him.

"I was a complete fool to let you in in my life Mr. Rodrigo."

One wrong step and the tip of our noses will bump into each other. One wrong move it's either I will fall in him or he will fall for me. One wrong move and I might regret what will gonna happen next.

He looked me in the eyes as if he was reading my mind he lowered his gaze to my lips as if he was sensing if I would part them apart and speak a word.

"I want to know you the way how the people around you knows you especially the way how your ex did. I want to know you deeply so that I can sort my feelings for you, Nathalie."

"Bad for you that will not gonna happen. You know why— "

"Cuz' you're leaving, right?"

My eyes widen.

"And what is it to you if I'm leaving?

Deafening silence visited us once again after the tension enveloped the room earlier. He was clenching his fist. He was not looking into my eyes anymore. He's looking into my lips but I'm looking into his eyes. His wonderful eyes that always looked at me are now drowning.

"If you wish to leave now you may go Nathalie." He said in a low tone.

I can't understand him anymore. Earlier his ready to fight at me, to endlessly bark at me but now he's just like a child not willing to speak out of fear.

"I don't understand you anymore Rodrigo." I said in a low tone.

"No you are the one Nathalie. I'm in pain right now not even knowing why. Do you know how confusing and hurt it was? No, you don't, right? So if you want to leave, leave me."

"You're so arrogant you know that? You're so... so ugh I'm pissed again! Can you please pull yourself together Rodrigo!"

His not talking.

"I just want you to be on my side just this once Nathalie. I just want to know my feelings for you but how do we end up having this kind of conversation huh? Maldición!"

"I don't want this conversation anymore its leading to nowhere. You need to rest Rodrigo. Maybe you just tired or stressed."

"I'm not and I won't."

"Please just listen to me, okay? Calm down. Even I, I'm still pissed and all but you need to."

I grab his arms and I let him sit in his office chair. He looks exhausted his sweating too.

"Just sit I will grab a handkerchief. You're sweating."

"Don't go Nathalie. Just stay, can you just stay?"

"Even if I want to it's not possible besides I don't intend to stay not even here."

"So not even here— "

He suddenly hugs me from behind.

"Rodrigo what do you think you're doing?"

"Not even by my side huh? I need you here and I'm afraid I might still need you in my entire life Nathalie.

I chuckle. I can't help but do it. He must be out of his mind.

"You need me, not love me.
And you know what if you just need something or someone there will be a time that you've grown tired of it, not satisfied at all, you will find yourself not needing it at all, however, if you truly love, maybe it is a thing or a person you will never grow tired of it love bonds all eternally. It calls true love Rodrigo."

How much do I need to endure things like this in my life is it not enough what I had gone through when I was in Manila? Is my suffering not yet enough to make me experience hardships like this? I know I need to unclasped these hands squeezing and embracing me but I don't want to hurt him even more. I feel obligated to this man. The more he felt hurt the more he would be ruined.

I don't want to be someone else's world anymore.