Lo siento... te amo.

Lo siento... te amo pg. 22

"One, little star, two, little star, three, big star, four, little star, and... Nathalie sleep why aren't you sleeping?!"

Counting the stars through the window to make me fall asleep is not helping the more I count the more I can't sleep, and the more I think of him. Earlier with Tanya I just said the simple ones and the details that are suitable for a kid. I just explained that her Uncle Rodrigo came to see me for a conversation and we had the conversation in his office. Of course, Aunt Diane asked me too as well as Uncle Fidelen but I just used the same details that I said to Tanya. I just couldn't see myself telling all of those to them because this is still my life however I make sure to still be honest with them. For me, there is nothing wrong with keeping all of it by myself as I will leave this place soon and I know I will never have reason to have a connection to Rodrigo anymore because everything that happens here in Madrid will remain here and I will not gonna bring it to Manila.

Never.

While I'm talking to Aunt Diane and Uncle Fidelen I can tell that they are very curious, they're exchanging glances with each other as if they know what is happening. How would I know what's on their mind I'm not a fortune teller or what. I'm so tired honestly but my eyes won't let me, my brain, and my heart won't let me sleep. I'm worried and confused.

Rodrigo is confused, I think so. He's always a man of his actions. His actions towards me are rather stern than friendly or sweet. Not usually smile at me and most of the time he's just so quiet as if I do not exist what does he think of me a wallpaper eh kahit nga wallpaper napapansin pa din eh ako pansin na pero wapakels pa din! Ha! Syala sya does he think he's the most handsome man I've seen, well pogi sya I admit but I'm not into ma-attitude na guy. And I'm also trying my best to be not into him.

I toss and turn around. I sleep on my left and sleep on my right.

"Nathalie sleep you need to have a beauty rest okay, beauty rest."

I close my eyes and ease my mind.

*pero para kanino ang beauty rest mo?* These words suddenly popped into my mind.

"Of course for myself who else would it be for?" Kainis!

"Buenos días, Ate Nathalie!" Bati sa akin ni Tanya.

"You're making an omelette! May I also have Ate?"

"¡Sí!"

I woke up earlier than usual. I also happened to bump into Auntie Diane who was preparing to leave earlier.

"You're Mom and Dad leave early today they said they will need to take care of a business matter."

"Ah, ¿entonces es así? Okay."

"What's with the long face our little Tanya, hmmm? You're sulking, aren't you? I'm here so don't worry what do you wanna do?"

Most of the time Tanya was being left behind by her parents at home because of their business. Whenever Tito Fidelen needs Tita Diane to handle their business for a while or if he needs her to be on his side because they need to decide on a consequential matter. Since Nards is preoccupied most of the time no one is there to look for Tanya.

"What about a game? Truth or Dare!"

"Truth or Dare? If one of us chooses the 'Dare' then what we will do?" I ask.

"Then, just the usual one!"

"Okay copy that but first let's eat."

I clean the entire house after we're done eating. It's still early pa naman so we have a lot of time remaining for the game.

"Ate Nathalie, are you done?" She was giggling.

"Almost."

Time passes by and here I am done with the cleaning and I immediately call Tanya over to the living room. I know she was very excited.

"So here's our game Ate like the outdoor game in the Philippines na Maiba Taya. We will have a pen and a paper, me first. I will secretly write down what palm I will show if it is upward or down. If you show your palm differently from what I write then you will be asked of truth or dare.  How was it?

I was stunned by how she thought and spoke about the game totoo bang bata lang siya? In a small amount of time, she managed to think of a game agad-agad! Well, she's blessed in this field how can I say no?

"It's nice let's continue on that Tanya."

"Let's go!" Cute niyang sinabi halatang she's anticipating this game.

Tanya got the pen and paper she started writing on it while grinning. After a minute she said that we should show our palm na. In 1, 2, 3, 4, 5!

"Woah! You successfully finished the first round I wrote palms down and you showed upward."

"I'm also good at this game Tanya eh banat sa larong pinoy 'to eh! Ah ha ha ha."

We moved on now to the second round and I'm the one who wrote this time. Guess what happened, Tanya lost this round.

"Ahhhhh you lost Tanya so is it truth or dare?"

I tease her first before becoming serious.

"It's the truth Ate." She sadly said.

"So, do you want Ate Nathalie to remain here for a long while?"

She remains silent and looks at me intently. I feel nervous somehow because of how she looks at me.

"Of course Ate, you're my big sis kaya. I want you to send me to school on my first day!"

"Aww, so sweet naman ng aming Tanya."

"I do not permit you to leave soon Ate okay? I maybe won't permit you. You need to remember this."

I smile at her but a bitter one because I know what she wants will never gonna happen. Actually, my question should be 'Are you always like this being left in the house with no one around?' But I know it will upset her more than she has right now. So maybe I did the right thing. When I feel that the atmosphere is going bad I quickly speak.

"So let's go to the next round here you go Tanya. Let's go, let's go!"

Truth or dare. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5!

Tanya shrieked at the moment she saw my palm.

"Ah hahaha, you lost Ate Nathalie! Yes, finally I can ask this."

She's super excited but I'm nervous about what she will ask.

"Question please." I tease.

"Do you find Uncle Rodri....