You can't change our fate.

What have I become.

Nothing was at it seemed to be these days. Everything was numb, my body, my mind, and my soul. I was nothing but a particle of dust in the sky, it pained me. Having to lay in this bed and hope for a better ending in it all. Knowing that if I were to even wake up, I would still not be here by heart. I would just be a cold marble statue in a world of warmth, I wouldn't feel the warmth of my father's hug, I wouldn't feel the warmth of being in my own home again. Luka's gentle hand against my own, Ivy's soft arms hung around my body, nor Blu's head against my shoulder. I would feel nothing but cold and stone, all I am is a cold and heartless statue. It's all I'll ever be till the day I inevitably end it all my heartbreak. Then again, what heart would I have to break if it doesn't work anymore. Sitting in this empty room I have woken up no longer than 30 minutes ago. The hunger, the thirst, was too much for me to understand. Yet, I know that if I move death would await the next that is out of these four walls. 

My hands tremble as I hold my knees to my chest in hopes this was a dream. My lips pale and numb part as I take unnecessary breaths, my lungs no longer raise nor close. I run my tongue against the top of my lip to find the soft flesh had hurt hard. Denial, I am in denial of ever becoming what I am now. It must be some sick dream that follows me in a rain cloud. As I raise my head to look at myself in the mirror, I realize that its false, it's not a dream. This was my new reality; my eyes stay trained on my own reflection as I raise up from the cot in the middle of the room. My sock covered feet drag me towards myself as I stare at who was there. I know it's me, yet I couldn't recognize who I was. My hair was shorter than what it used to be, thicker and healthier too. My pale skin was cold to the touch, it no longer held the warmth that would make ivy reach out to touch. The dark circles under my eyes had long gone disappeared as I stood taller. No longer in that slouched position that Madame Flor would chaste me for. 

The longer I stare at myself the angrier I get; my nose would flare as my jaw clenched. my hands ball up in fists as I slowly raise them up. In the midst of my anger, I let go and punch the mirror. Thousands of shards of glass scatter around the room as my chest heaves. My breathing gets heavier as my eyes begin to water with poisonous tears that threaten to fall. Shaking my head softly I looked away from the wall which now had a small dent. Turning my attention over to the large glass door I feel myself being led towards it. It was as if some invisible force was pulling me towards the forest, I couldn't stop myself even if I tried. One thing left to another as I found myself in the middle of it all. I close my eyes as I take in a deep breath, the smell of the animals, trees, waterfalls, and the grass was strong against my senses. My ears ring as I hear the sounds of footsteps to the far left, without even thinking I start walking over towards the sounds. My lips part as my hunger takes over. An animalistic like state had taken over my senses as I tune out the sounds of everything else, no longer am I able to think of anything else but the ever growing feeling in the pit of my stomach.

I pause for a moment, my gaze latched onto a deer as it drank from the river below. Crouched behind the bush, I swallow from the saliva that formed at the base of my mouth. My pink fleshy tongue darts out to wet my lips as I wait for it to realize I was there. In just a moments time I jumped from my hiding spot as I tabled it down, my teeth sink into the furry flesh of the neck as I began to drain in. A moan like sound fell from my reddened lips as he laid hunched over it, ignoring the cries and pleas of the animal I just focus on the sweet nectar it gave, the hunger that envelopes my body was long gone. I raise my head from its neck as I patted down the sides of the crying deer, my eyes softened as it stared up at me scared. I give a gentle smile as the blood drips from my tongue and lips. "Shhhh, its okay...shhh" A soft hush like sound could be heard as it slowly began to go quiet, its kicking legs paused as the eyes rolled back. As soon as it came it had gone, my mind cleared up from the foggy state I had been in. 

My brows furrowed as I stare at my hands, one came up to touch the crimson liquid against my lips. Shaking my head I mumbled soft no's to myself as I looked back at the dead animal. my face contorts into one of horror soon after, what have I done? Falling back from my crouched position I use my hands to catch me. I crawl backwards till I am far from it as I hide my face in my hands. Tears ran down my face as I hold begged for this to be fake, soft sobs left my lips as I tried to think of many excuses of how this could happen. In the moment of my sobs, I failed to hear the sound of someone coming up to me, a warm hand laid against my shoulder as I turned in panic. My pleading gaze raised to Paul's; his face twisted into one from worry into disbelief. My hand raised to his arm as I cried to him. "Help me, what have I become?" In a quick moment it looked like he was in battle with himself, for what it seemed like hours but really it was just minutes. Hia large arms embraced me in a hug, his hand rubbed my back gently as I sobbed and begged for help. All he could do was try to hush my anguish, for he didn't know what to do either.