You're Like A French Fry (a transgender love story)

James is falling apart (I think)

We walked into the hotel room.

I kicked off my shoes, and plopped onto the bed.

"Wanna explore our two rooms?" I mumble.

"Tomorrow." James plops down next to me.

"Yeah, we're too tired." I roll over.

I stare at the ceiling, feeling my body float away.

My eyes close...

---DREAMLAND---

I awaken to my alarm, and slap the clock.

I check the time. "Shit." I mutter as I get up.

I run my eyes, and stand up, feeling a lil dizzy.

I look onto the bed.

I grab my blankets and make the bed.

I walk over to my dresser, and stare at myself in the mirror.

My eyes have dark circles around them, and my bright pink hair is a mess. That's fine, I like messy hair.

I grab clothes, and walk out to the bathroom.

I undress of my sleepwear and hop into the shower.

The warmish coldish water feels great on my skin, as I wash myself.

I turn off the shower, and leave the shower.

I grab a towel, dry myself off, and put clothes on.

I stare at the mirror. My heart beating really fast.

"Hey there babe!" Lee walks in. "Did I interrupt something between you and you?"

I look over at him. "I want to be alone."

"Oh, uh ok, I'm gonna go then." Lee smiles faintly and walks out of the bathroom.

I sit down onto the floor, lay down, and curl up into a ball.

"I feel like shit," I start. "I love Lee sooooo much, but I don't want him to feel like a burden. He doesn't feel that way, but what if deep down he does? I don't know what's happening to me. I should just live life. But I don't feel like living life at the moment. I don't know why, I just... I wish there was more to life then waking up, showering, eating breakfast, going to school. I know we're in Ukraine, but it feels like that's what we're doing everyday. Don't get me wrong, I'm having fun, but...... I just want Lee closer to me I guess. I really don't understand this feeling"

My head is filled with thoughts. Thoughts I want out of there. Gone, forever. But they won't leave. Not even when I throw them away.

---real world---

I awaken. I quickly sit up, and look over next to me.

"James?" He's not there.

I quickly stand up, and search the hotel rooms for him.

Over the course of this, I found out we have some pretty cool shit, but I can't talk now.

I knock on the closed bathroom door in the room connected to the room we've been camping in.

"Lee, I'm sorry."

"What? James?" I continually knock on the door.

No response.

Fuck.

I grab the handle, and try opening the door. Nothing.

I put my ear against the door.

I hear faint grunts.

And then, a scream so loud it hurt my ears exploded from James.

I try the door knob again and this time it works.

"James?" No no no no no no no no.

I grab his body. "SPEAK TO ME!" I scream.

The blood is gushing out of, well I don't fucking know.

I fumble out my phone, and call the ambulance.

"James? Why did you do this to yourself?"

And then the dream, in his point of view, comes crawling back..

I grab James, and hug him tight, making sure that the blood stops.

I run to the elevator, and jab the button.

The elevator slides down, and I run out to the hotel lobby.

I run outside.

There, the wee woo truck is. I run over to them.

"Hey, uhm so I called you guys because of im assuming attempted suicide!" I yell, still panicking.

"Oh yes, place him onto the bed." The ambulance people told me to do.

I place him onto the bed. "James, I promise I'm gonna be there for you."

They wheel him into the wee woo truck., and direct me in after.

I sit down on the bench in the side, and stare at James' face.

"Why did you do this to yourself? I don't feel like a burden, yes I did have a dream about you... You right now. So, once you're all healed, I'm gonna actually take you somewhere more fun! Okz I promise! I love you way to much to keep fun away from you. Please. Please don't ever attempt to do the suicide, ever again. Penis."

I don't know why I said penis afterwards, but-

James erupted in laughter. "Penis? Really?" He laughed.

"Holy shit,you're alive oh my God I need to tell them right away!"

"Don't worry, they know." James reassured me.

"Oh, ok... Now all we need to do is make sure you stop bleeding for reals."