white-passing- jamal turner

thirty (end of s3)

We followed the address on the slip of paper and got dropped off on Highway 37. It took us a while, but we found the path we were supposed to be on. 

At this point, we all knew Oscar was dead. But we still didn't have closure with Cuchillos. She was still out there and looking for us. 

We were in the woods for what felt like hours, and still nothing. Jamal even had a camo costume and spray to ward us away from predators.

"Jamal stop!" I said, "You're being too loud."

Cesar threw a rock at him too and told him to stop. If that wasn't bad enough, Ruby and Jamal started arguing about snacks, and Monse and I were fed up.

"Oh my god!" I said.

"Give him the goddamn fruit by the foot!" Monse said, "You need to stop! Did you forget the reason we're here?"

"Jamal's being selfish."

"Ruby!" I said.

 "Which one of us found the Rollerworld money and then gave it away to save a friend? I'm the most selfless person I know!"

"If we never found the money, Cuchillos wouldn't be breathing down our necks!"

"No, if WE!" I said, pointing to Jamal and I, "We!"

"Then our lives would be better!"

"We found it to save Cesar!" Jamal said, "What did you do?"

"I took a bullet for him!"

Jamal scoffed, and Cesar stepped in. 

"Hey, hey! I never asked for help. Then or now!"

"You didn't HAVE to because that's what friends do!" I said, "They don't need to be asked!"

"I can't believe how selfish you all are being when my brother was trying to protect all of us and is now probably DEAD because of us. Just go home. I'd rather do this by myself."

I shook my head. 

"You're acting like you're the only person who ever lost anything! Or anyone!" Ruby said, "You're not the one who almost died. Or who saw the love of their life CHOKE on their own blood! Or who took MONTHS to feel semi-normal because being normal is not something I'll ever get to be! This isn't about you Cesar! Some of us are collateral damage in your shit!"

"I don't need this disrespect!" Cesar said, pushing Ruby.

"You don't get it!" Jamal chimed in, "Just being your friend is a liability."

"Then don't be."

Cesar walked away, and Monse tried to help.

"Hey, let's not go there!"

"But we're there! Look in the mirror and remember who you are. We don't work for you. We aren't the Santos. There's no hierarchy in our friendship. You want respect, go hang out with those dudes on your front porch! Real friends call you on your shit!"

"Go. I release you. I don't wanna be anyone's liability," Cesar said, walking off.

"This is terrible," Jamal said.

"Yeah," Monse said, "That was harsh."

"No! We shouldn't separate the group. It's safer if we stick together."

"Shut up, Jamal!" Monse and Ruby said.

"STOP TELLING ME TO SHUT UP!" Jamal said, "Cesar shouldn't be wandering off on his own."

"Agreed, I'm gonna go after him," I said.

"No! Let him go!" Ruby said, "If he doesn't appreciate us, then he should do this himself."