white-passing- jamal turner

sixteen

Jamal and I were on edge the entire day. I was practically glued to his side.

"There has to be a plan, Jamal," I said, "We cannot keep acting like this every day! I have a bad case of the shits whenever I'm anxious!"

"Ew, I did not need to know that!" Jamal said.

"Yeah, and I didn't need to know that you used to clean your grandpa's belly button," I said.

The captain of the cheerleading squad popped out of nowhere, scaring the shit out of both of us. 

"So, am I gonna see you in the gym after school today?" she said to me.

I raised an eyebrow.

"Tryouts! They're today!" 

"Oh, yes!" I said, "You know what? Yes, I'll be there!"

"Perfect!" she smiled, "I'll see you after school!"

I smiled back. Jamal grabbed me as she walked away.

"You can't go! We're having a meeting at Ruby's after school!" I said.

"Just do it without me. I'll give you some notes and pointers."

Jamal sighed, "Fine. Just do me a favor."

"Yeah?"

"Don't become a bitchy cheerleader and dump me for like a white dude or something like that, ok?"

I put my hand on his cheek and kissed him.

"Don't worry," I said, "You couldn't get rid of me even if you tried, babe."

He smiled and kissed me back, "I'll see you tonight?"

"Yeah," I said, "Good luck with the meeting."

_______________________________________________________

The tryouts went well. Like, really well. Like, I was going to join the squad my sophomore year. I'd have the whole summer to learn the cheers and the routines, so I wasn't worried about that.

It was weird that the tryouts were so early, but I guess it was better to do it that way.

I was just about to call a Lyft when Monse texted me.

AJ!!! Come to my house ASAP! I have to tell you something! 

What's up?

I'll tell you when you get here!!

I got to Monse's house and walked into Monse's room and closed the door, "Hey, girl. So, what's up? Are you pregnant?!"

"NO!" she said, "Ok, so a while back, when we were at Brentwood for Halloween, and we left Rosé's, there was a woman with two kids walking to her place. I was pretty sure that was my mom."

My eyes widened, "YOU- you saw your mom?"

"Yeah, and I uh found her on Facebook, and friended her. But not using my name, I used an alias. Laura Diaz."

"Wow," I said.

"She asked on Facebook for someone to babysit her kids last minute and I offered to, so I went, and then just recently, she reached out to me for another job, which is looking through the book she's working on. She's a writer."

"Ah," I said, "So, what happened?"

"We were just talking about Freeridge and my life, and how my mom left when I was young. Then she mentioned the main character of her book's name is Selena, which is my mom's name. And I told her that, and that my dad's name is Monty, and before I could even finish, she said Which is why we named you Monse."

My jaw dropped, "Holy shit! So, you like actually met your mom and your mom now knows who you are?"

She nodded.

"Wow," I said, "Wow, I wow. How are you doing?"

"I don't know," she said,  "I want to get to know her more. We already have so much in common. But I don't want to hurt my dad. Her leaving hurt him way more than it hurt me."

I sighed, "I understand. I wish I knew what to say, but I don't. I'm sorry."

"It's ok," she said, "I just wanted to tell someone about this. I'll figure it out, though. How'd tryouts go?"

I smiled, "You're looking at a future cheerleader!"

We both screamed, and she hugged me, "Congrats! I knew you could do it!!"

I smiled.

"Oh, also. How's it going  with Jamal?" Monse said, "You guys, uh. You know, done it, yet?"

I laughed, "Nope. Haven't had time, and Jamal's too hopped up about this money anyway."

"Well, do you want to?"

I looked at her and nodded, "I mean, yeah. I think he'd be a great choice for my first time. Fuck, I just get nervous thinking about it, though. How bad does it hurt?"

Monse laughed, "The first time it's gonna hurt. And the second, and maybe even the third. But when you love the person, it's great. Don't worry about it. You'll be fine. And Jamal worships you. He's dating the hottest girl in the school after all."

I smiled, "Thanks, girl. I love you."

"I love you too," she said.