EaglePen Critique Shop

Client 1

rowanderlust

The Seventh Record of Mr. Rutherhall

Book Cover - 8/10

Regarding the image in the book cover, I believe you made a good choice in using that. The image effectively aligns with the title, creating a cohesive visual representation of the story. This synergy between the title and the cover art can be crucial in attracting potential readers and setting the right tone for the book. However, I have a few suggestions to enhance the cover.

First, consider changing the font style. The current font doesn't quite match the mood and theme of the story. A different font style could better convey the mysterious and adventurous tone of the narrative. Additionally, lowering the placement of the font would improve the overall composition. Currently, the text obstructs part of the portrayer's face, which can be distracting. By moving the text down slightly, you can ensure that the image remains the focal point while still keeping the title and other information prominently visible.

Plot - 6.5/10

1.) The story description you provided is truly engaging, with several aspects that successfully pique the reader's interest. The plot promises a blend of mystery and adventure making it more compelling to read. The setting in the realm of Haess adds an element of intrigue and otherworldliness that enhances the story's appeal. You mentioned the "blind children" which immediately raises questions and creates a sense of urgency and danger that drives the curiosity of readers.

The part you particularly wrote, “. . .stuck and with all routes escape blocked, Mara had to team up with him as they were forced to unravel the mystery of Haess's blind children,” is a brilliant hook. This sentence does an excellent job of setting up the central conflict and the reluctant alliance between Mara and her adversary. The idea of being trapped with no escape routes creates immediate tension and suspense, making the reader eager to find out how the characters will navigate this dire situation.

Lastly, the mystery of Haess's blind children is an intriguing plot point that promises a rich backstory and potential for fascinating revelations. The phrase "unravel the mystery" suggests a journey filled with clues, discoveries, and perhaps even a deeper understanding of the supernatural elements at play. This aspect of the story can provide ample opportunity for world-building and developing the lore of Haess, making the setting feel alive and integral to the plot.

2.) I will be straightforward with you: the first scene was captivating because the narration was focused solely on Mara. However, as the story progressed, it became confusing due to the numerous characters you introduced. You quickly added more than five characters, which made it challenging to keep track of them all. The story's flow only improved around chapter 5 when the number of characters was reduced.

Sa totoo lang, 'yung pagbibigay ng focus kay Mara ay epektibong paraan sana upang makalikha ka ng malalim na koneksyon sa mambabasa at sa pangunahing tauhan. Kaso biglaan mong pinasukan ng maraming tauhan sa maikling panahon, nagdulot tuloy ito ng malaking kalituhan sa akin. FYI, bawat tauhan ay may kanya-kanyang kuwento, na kapag pinakilala nang mabilisan, ay maaaring magdulot ng pagka-overwhelm sa mambabasa. Ang ganitong biglaang pagdagsa ng mga tauhan ay maaaring magpalabo ng kuwento, kaya't mas mainam ang dahan-dahang pagpapakilala sa kanila. Malinaw ba?

Furthermore, there are several instances where the narration feels off. This may be due to misspellings or inappropriate word choices within paragraphs.

Your use of third-person point of view is quite noticeable, and it seems you tried to leverage all its advantages, but you ended up overusing it. You leaned heavily on the principle of "show, don't tell," to the point where almost everything was shown. As a result, you neglected the characters' emotions. Given that there is a dialogue, it feels insufficient to convey the story's depth and to make me feel attached to it.