treat you better // pedri

thirty

"Mae?" Daria calls out as she knocks on my door gently.

"I'm not in the mood." I mumble as I turn so I'm face down in the pillows as I hear the door open. A few seconds pass and she sits on the edge of the bed as she rubs my back gently.

"You haven't come out of your room all day. After you came home yesterday your whole mood was off." She states as I take a deep breath.

"I don't want to talk about it." I mutter as she sighs.

"Mae come on." She says as I shake my head, "who can I invite over to make you feel better?" She asks.

I roll over as she looks at my eyes, slightly puffy from crying about an hour ago and she frowns, "I'm not in the mood to see anyone." I say as she wipes my cheek with her thumb.

"Talk to me then." She whispers.

"I'm pushing everybody away and it's my fault. I'm being an asshole to everyone I care about and I'm ruining everything." I mumble as she shakes her head.

"You're not ruing everything. You're on your own path right now and it's taking you a bit longer than other people to be set on the right path but that's not a bad thing." She insists as I sit up fully.

"Pedri won't like me now, Jude doesn't like me, and dad doesn't even like me. I'm ruining everyone." I say as I pull my knees to my chest.

"What's going on? There's something you aren't telling me, there's got to be." She says as I scratch my leg as she watches me for a second.

"I pushed Pedri away when I wanted him the most because I was scared of the idea of being in love, but he moved on so quickly and he's going out with a girl who's the polar opposite of me it seems, and it sucks." I say as she frowns.

"Mae." She whispers.

"I've never been good at telling people how I feel, but he really makes me want to try." I continue as she nods while fully listening, "but I don't know if I want to be in love or if I want to be loved. There's a huge difference and I don't know what I want from him." I add.

"Probably both." She admits as I furrow my eyebrows.

"Gee thanks." I mumble as she smiles softly.

"You just got to embrace what's going on and not care about what other people say. As hard as it is, it's worth it." She says as I bite the inside of my cheek before shaking my head.

"I don't want to be here right now." I say quietly as she furrows her eyebrows, clearly confused, "in Barcelona." I add as she clicks her tongue.

"Where are you planning on going then?" She asks as I smile.

"What if we go to Italy or something. You can invite Nico and it could be us three." I say as I reach my hands out for hers and she sighs, "we go every summer anyways, let's just go early."

"Mae you can't run away from your problems just by going to Italy. They'll be here when you get back." She implies as I roll my eyes.

"You're no fun." I mumble as she smiles.

"I'll talk to Nico about it." She says quietly as I clap my hands together.

"You're the best." I say as I lean over to her, wrapping my arms around her in a hug.

"Yeah, yeah." She mumbles as she hugs me back.

"Let me know what he says." I smile as she nods slightly, walking out of my room as I roll over, wrapping my blanket around myself tighter.

I go on instagram and I go to my profile as I frown. I sure do seem like a ray of sunshine on here, but only if people really knew what I was like they'd steer clear of me. Truth hurts when I think about it.