My Story Has Just Begun

I Broke Down And He Still Stayed

-winston-

I see.

I'm truly sorry rose.

I know you are hurting and you want the pain to stop.

You have every right to feel the way you do okay.

Don't beat yourself down and disregard your emotions.

It's okay to feel that way.

And I'm sorry that what your mom said about you was spread but don't worry about trying to convince them with words.

Try to with your actions.

Anyone can say it, not everyone can do it.

And I believe you can do it Rose.

I also believe in you okay.

You got this.!

-rose-

Thanks for this but if I don't shut my emotions out when they get like this I blackout and honestly I need to shut them off anyways because I can't deal with my emotions right now.

And as much as I dont like that others think I don't like or live my mom she knows I do and I show her all the time but it's never enough so as much as others but in when they shouldn't I can't handle that because what they believe is up to them.

And I'm just tired of constant pain, I do good things yes but I don't expect to get anything back especially not right away but I wish even if I didn't get anything back it was not pain on top of more pain I'd rather take the peace and quiet of nothing than the pain i am stuck with.

And it's because I care to damn much about others and never enough for myself that I am in the mess I'm in but I don't know how to care more for myself than I do others so I'm trying to do it equally and I'm always the one getting hurt whether things be unfair for me or for the others or both of us I'm always getting hurt and I never have enough time to deal with the pain I already have.

I just care to much, feel to much, hope for to much, want to much and I carry to much and now I don't want anything I hope for things still but I want none because everything is gonna be sad or painful I am the only one who can change that but I can't do it like others can.

-winston-

Oh boy.

Listen it's okay.

I'm here okay.

I'll be here to hold you up.

You aren't do this alone.

Not anymore okay.

I'm here for you through it all.

I'm sorry I can't do a lot honestly.

But I'll be there for you in times of need.

-rose-

Its fine, I have my episodes, sometimes they don't come for a while other times I have episodes at a time in one day and it takes its toll on me but I was always told willpower is the strongest tool anyone could have and I have a lot of willpower in me so I'll be fine I just need to wait till they pass because I'm supposed to tell others in case it happens but I won't be able to text for a lil while cuz I feel a seizure coming on.