Warm skin and cold tears prickle down your neck as she presses herself into you. You feel her sobs, it breaks you a lot more than you have anticipated and you are reminded of the reasons as to why you never said anything about this to anyone. You knew that loving her, no matter how genuine, honest and pure will break the both of you at some point. Breaking yourself is fine, you could deal it with yourself but the thought of breaking her with you is the most heartbreaking thing you could ever do.
But this is just not you anymore. The story has shifted in another perspective with a whole list of considerations to think about. This is no longer about you, not about you alone anymore. This is the two of you trapped in a room, with single bed, a floor to ceiling glass door that leads to the balcony, you're both suffocated by the truths and the lies you have chosen to zip and tell.
A little too late, don't you think?
"I'd hopelessly look at you like you put the stars in the sky, because you do put the stars in my sky and you are the first thing I look for when things gets messy and broken because seeing you assures me that things will be alright. I'd cling to you like my life depends on it because it does. I would literally throw myself at you hoping you'd know, hoping you'd see....."
She pulls aways, her face puffy and her eyes in a bloodshot for crying. She sniffs like a five years old, her head low as she pauses to regain her breathing. Your fingers run against her arms as you comfort her, it was a familiar sensation within your fingertips. Your mind constantly repeating it for you to process, a little lost with the overwhelming emotions of having her within reach but not really. Not at all.
"I waited you know, I waited for you to say something. For you to look at me like you wanted me to slow down for you- for you to just tell me, show me, or in whatever it was supposed to be that I was actually waiting for something, for someone, that I have you to wait for and well- you..... You never did. You just never take a risk."
She shakes her head, more tears trickle down her cheeks and fall into your knees. You were about to pull her against you but she puts her palm against the top of your chest. More tears forming into your eyes as a stream of salty tears flow through you, draining the energy you never thought you have in you.
"You always looked at me like you were happy for me-
"That's because I am."
"Why can't you be happy with me then? Why do we have to do it individually?"
You reached for her hand only for her to pull away in a second. It send a pang to your heart because you have never came to a point where she rejects your touch and nothing has ever made you feel like you lost her like this. Not even Love Pattranite.
"I didn't know." You whispered.
"Maybe you just didn't know me well, then."
She gathers herself and climbs out of the bed, you lean closer to her. Your fingers reaching out in confusion.
"Where are you going?"
"Leaving."
You were on the act of standing up when she opens the door to your room and closes it behind her, leaving you alone cold and lost through the series of events.
