You shake your head, a smile flashing from your lips and if she was honest, you were confusing a whole lot but the memories flash in your mind convinced you that watching her get married is not losing her at all. It could be something, anything else but that. Losing her means not hearing crazy ideas of what to do for the holidays, or just what to do on a Saturday afternoon after playing with Latte. Or how you're not able to provide the food she craves, or to not feel her fingers wrapped around your arm as she fights with your friends and asking for your help to defend her, losing her meant not being able to defend her. Losing her meant a lot of things, but this is not one of them. She's right here, in front of you. Eyes puffy red, lips trembling into frown, cheeks in a shade of roses, a ring on her finger flashing brighter than the stars outside. God, she's a beautiful mess.
"I almost lost you."
You remember how your hands shake as you were writing this entry, how messy your penmanship was and the thought of losing her shot your anxiety level through the roof. You kept shaking your head then, because you knew everything was going to be fine but the thought of just losing your best friend seems like the end of the world to you. You almost lose her.
She frowns as she remembers, reaching out to touch your hand like she wanted to calm you down. Which was your first instinct like this, times the you are at your most vulnerable state and maybe that's why you were so scared of losing her. You needed her when you are at you're at your weakest. You'll need her all your life.
September 2011
It was your cousin's birthday, a family gathering was about to happen and like most family gatherings you attend to, you bring your best friend with you. It was almost a casual thing to see both of you attend a party of some sort, nobody questions it and no one ask who you brought with. It was always a given equation and the two of you knew about it.
It was some kind of a reunion to be honest, a lot of people arriving and being greeted with kisses. So when they volunteered to feed your two year old cousin because your Auntie is too busy being called by everyone, no one bats an eye and it doesn't shock you one bit.
"I'll take it from here. Go ahead and greet everyone. We'll take care of Ton."
"Are you sure? He's a brat hun."
"No worries Auntie, I had enough of Ciize being spoiled brat and grumpy."
She jokes.
You let out a snort but did not disagree because well, it's true. You watch her pull Ton away from her Mom and held him close to her chest. Pouting and saying words in a childish tone to catch his attention.
"We are going to eat okay, Ton?"
You reach out for your cousin who was pulled farther from you. Her tongue poking out from her mouth as she carries Ton to the guest room.
She left without saying anything so you pick out Ton's necessities and walked into the room.
You found both of them on the bed, comfortably laying down on those grey comforters. You hear Ton's sweet giggles as she kisses his armpit. Your head tilted to the side as you admire them from the door. Ton thing's still tucked between your arms and giggles filling up the room from the both of them, making you smile to this view.
"Wife material."
You remembered.
And before she could catch you weirdly staring, you settled the baby things to the end of the bed and held the small bowl of food as you climb to their side on the bed.
