Nevermind (Sara Bareilles and Javier Dunn)

Photograph

Sara opened her eyes to the sound of a knock on her door. She sighed and shut her eyes again, hoping that by falling asleep the person would get the message. She was drifting off when the doorbell rang, jolting her up for good. She rolled out of bed sleepily still in her pajamas, hoping whoever was at the door wouldn't give a shit about what she looked like. 

Sara rolled her eyes when she saw Elizabeth standing in the hall. "Hey. Nice way to wake up, bitch," she said. 

Elizabeth shrugged. "It's noon. Your lazy ass needs to be up by now." 

"Noon?!" 

"What I just said." 

"Damn, I never sleep this late," Sara said.

"Did you get drunk last night?" 

Sara laughed. "Honestly, it probably would have been good if I had." She slid Elizabeth a glass of orange juice. "Why are you here?"

"I don't know," Elizabeth said. "Just wanted to make sure you were okay." 

Sara yawned. "Uh, why?"

"Cause of the shit that happened." 

"Oh. I'm okay," Sara said. But not fine.

"You're a good liar," Elizabeth remarked. "You should act." 

"Oh, yeah, totally. Because Little Shop of Horrors was the best thing I ever did." 

Elizabeth laughed. "You were voted 'Most Talented' though." 

Sara snorted. "For what? 'My arm's in a cast...'" she fake-sang. 

"I would've given anything to have been there." 

Sara put on a serious face. "No you wouldn't."

"Yes, I-" 

Sara grinned and cut Elizabeth off. "No you wouldn't. Trust me. I have pictures... it's not pretty." 

Elizabeth smiled mischieviously. "Pictures?" 

Sara smiled and shook her head. "I am such a dumbass." 

"Yep, your specialty. Now show me!" 

"Wait, haven't you seen them before?" Sara asked. 

"Probably. But I wanna see them again." 

"I have no clue where they are. Probably in my closet somewhere." 

"Let's go look!" Elizabeth jumped up and Sara followed her to her bedroom,  embarrassed but eager to see her high school adventures. 

Sara rummaged through the closet for a moment and pulled out a stack of photos, handing them to Elizabeth. "Here. Ew." 

Elizabeth giggled and sat cross-legged on Sara's bed, thumbing through the stack and laughing. "Oh my god," she said, pointing to a close-up of Sara smiling widely on stage. "That's pretty great." 

"So great." Sara leaned closer. "What the hell's on my head?" 

Elizabeth burst into hysterical laughter. "I don't even know." 

"It's very... colorful," Sara said. 

"Honey, you look like a rainforest or something threw up on your head."

"I don't recall saying that my high school days were my best days."

"Mine weren't either, man," Elizabeth said. "My hair was too big." 

"The only good part about me in high school was my hair." The two went through , ore photos of parties, concerts, random things, laughing when they saw one of the two of them together, obviously drunk. 

"Wasn't that after you had just gotten your record deal?" Elizabeth asked. 

Sara nodded. "I think so. Best night ever. I mean, I don't remember much, but I'm sure it was the best." 

Elizabeth laughed and looked through the remaining few pictures. One caught Sara's eye. She grabbed Elizabeth's arm, stopping her. "Go back." 

It was a photo of her and Javier at a grocery store a few months ago. They had felt silly that day, so they had snuck into the bathroom at Walmart and taken selfies of theirselves with funny hats from the kid's department. In this one, Sara had stuck her tongue out, and Javier had kissed her on the cheek. She sighed, thinking of all the amazing times they'd had together. But it was over now, and there was nothing Sara could do except put the photo back, which is exactly what she did. She didn't cry. She didn't get overly upset. Good. 

Elizabeth pulled her into a hug. "It's okay." 

Sara nodded. "Yeah." 

And it probably would be okay. One day, some ten years in the future,  she'd remember his face, have a flashback, hear his voice, and think about all the things they'd shared. And she'd smile, simply out of the remembrance of a lost love. And she'd continue on with her life, which was more than moved on, Javier just a sweet memory. At least that's how she'd like to imagine it. That's usually how it worked out in the romantic comedies she was obsessed with. 

And it was getting easier. Sara was getting used to the idea that maybe Javier wasn't meant to always be in her life; maybe they weren't meant to get married and live happily ever after like they'd thought. After all, everything happens for a reason, doesn't it? Sara pushed away the thoughts and told herself the truth, that it would be okay. But she couldn't deny that he'd taken those pictures and shredded them, leaving Sara to pick up the pieces. He could have the memories, since she couldn't have him.