Tell Me It's Okay // Haylex

thirty three ✿ i'm not sorry for a damn thing

Over the next few days, we had to wait to hear from the doctor. That was how we'd figure out the rest of her treatments. When her doctor did call, Hayley agreed to the five weeks of radiation. She was technically cancer-free, but the radiation was to make sure that she would stay cancer-free.

So I was going to be staying an extra week. It wasn't that big of a deal, and I wanted to be with Hayley. She needed to go to Nashville five days a week for five weeks, and I was going to take every trip with her. It was scary going in the first time, and I thought it would get easier. But It didn't.

I didn't want to celebrate my birthday, but Hayley insisted. She got me a present and cooked me dinner. We had a small night in, and I got to pick what we watched on Netflix. It was a treat, really.

Then Taylor's birthday came around on December 17th, and we traveled to go to his party. Hayley said she'd never miss it, even though she wasn't feeling well. I never left her side because I was afraid she'd pass out or puke.

"So, Hayley, Alex, when's the wedding," Kat, Jeremy's wife, asked. Hayley looked at me, and I could see in her eyes how tired she was. She just kept going, though. She didn't want to be the first to leave.

"We've actually decided to wait a while," I said.

"Oh, you rushed into it and now you're having regrets," some other girl said. I told Hayley that we should leave again, but she wouldn't listen. "And now she's pregnant, so you have to wait to make sure she fits in the dress."

"Excuse me," Hayley asked. She reached under the back of her shirt and unhooked her bra. Then she pulled her shirt off. She moved the one side of the bra to show where she'd had the surgery. "Does this look like I'm pregnant?"

I picked her shirt back up, and held it out to her. She just shook her head, and continued her stare down with the girl.

"I've been through hell the past month. You think I don't know what all the gossip sites are writing? I'll tell people about the cancer when I'm fucking ready," she said. She took her shirt from me, and put it back on. She went off to find Taylor, and I went with her.

"Happy birthday, I love you, and I'm leaving," she told him. She hugged him, and then started to the door. I told him happy birthday, and then followed Hayley out.

Rian's birthday was the next day, and we face timed with him for a little bit. He had a date with his girlfriend that night so we couldn't chat long. There were just so many birthdays in December.

The original plan for Christmas was to have Christmas with Hayley's family on Christmas day, and then fly out to Baltimore for New Year's. Now, that was changing slightly. I was still spending Christmas with Hayley's family, but I wasn't going back to Baltimore for a while.

It was hard to shop because Hayley got really tired a lot. The treatments were really hard on her. We developed a system where she would pick it out online, and I'd search for it. We had all the presents for her family, but we didn't have presents for each other.

After one of the treatments, I brought her over to a jewelry store. For Christmas, we were going to get our wedding rings. No one knew we were really married, but we decided that it was time to get them and wear them.

It didn't take long to find the perfect ones. It was a lot quicker than the engagement ring fiasco. I drove us home after that, and Hayley napped the entire afternoon. It was hard to see her wore out all the time.

I wrapped presents a lot while she slept. I made sure to save some for her, though. She'd probably kill me if I did all the wrapping. We put off decorating the tree for a long time. So, when it came to the week of Christmas, we finally had to put it together.

Hayley had to lay down about halfway through, so I went back to wrapping presents. I was ready for these treatments to be done, and I'm sure she was too.

Christmas with her family was really fun. I finally got to meet everyone, and they seemed to like me. Hayley caught everyone up on the whole cancer thing, and told everyone we were waiting for the wedding. She family thought it was the best idea we'd ever had.

When it came time for Hayley's birthday, we spent the day together. I cooked all her meals, and spent the whole day with her. She was so fatigued and tired, so I let her sleep. I just held her hand or let her rest her head on me.

It seemed to be going fine until she vomited in the toilet after dinner. I ran after her, concerned. She assured me it was from the treatments, and not from my cooking.

"I would kiss you, but I don't think either of us wants that right now," she said. I laughed, and helped her to her feet.

"I hate seeing you like this," I said as we walked back out to the kitchen. I heard her sigh, and we both sat back down at the dining table.

"I feel like the radiation has been the worst thing. I felt pretty fine after surgery, and now I feel like shit," she admitted. I took her hand, and smiled at her.

"Just another week," I said.

"I'm so glad you've been here the whole time. I don't know what I'd do without you," she told me.

That night was the first time I realized that Hayley and I hadn't had sex. We were so wrapped up in everything else, and we didn't even do it when we got married. I wasn't going to bring it up, though. We already had enough rumors about her being pregnant.

We blew up an air mattress and put it in the living room. I made it up with all the blankets and pillows from our bed, and every other blanket I could find. We laid on it and watched Netflix. She fell asleep before I did, but I was completely okay with it.