I wish that I could wake up with Amnesia...

9 - The Only Reason

I avoided Newt all day - in fact, I avoided everyone. I didn't speak to anyone, and at every meal, I ate by myself. Except at dinner. Chuck joined me. "Hey Jenessa," he said, sitting down across from me.

"Hey Chuck," I said. I was always nice to him, not overly nice so he wouldn't cling to me like he clung onto Thomas, but nice enough because no one else was nice to him. And, he was a sweet kid. Just annoying sometimes.

"So...you and Newt.."

My eyes widened as I looked at him.

"Yeah, the whole Glade knows. Everyone's been talking about it today," Chuck said, eating a big bite of his meat.

"Shuck," I said. 

"They think it's cute, but it's awkward. No one really thought about relationships here in the Glade, of course, the Glade consisted of all guys before you." Chuck smiled. I saw meat stuck in his front teeth, and I tried hiding my grimacing.

"I mean, no one said that it was a relationship," I said. "We just were talking and fell asleep."

"Uh huh. Sure." Chuck winked at me. The meat was still in his teeth. Ew.

I then heard very faint music. I heard a voice singing, and drums. What? "I'll be back," I said to Chuck. I got up, and it became more clear. "Tell me, is it even worth it? Looking for a straight line, taking back the time we can't replace."

I followed the singing, but then it changed. I could hear Luke singing now. "All the crossed wires, just making us tired, is it too late to bring us back to life?"

The three boys - Luke, Michael, and Ashton were in the deadheads, singing one of their stupid songs they must have remembered. 

"When I close my eyes and try to sleep
I fall apart, I find it hard to breathe
You're the reason, the only reason
Even though my dizzy head is numb,
I swear my heart is never giving up
You're the reason, the only reason" the three sung in perfect harmonies. They blended so well. The song sounded beautiful, but I had to stop them before Gally heard. 

I almost approached them when strong arms came out of no wear and grabbed me, pulling me back. "It's me," someone said. 

The thing that bothered me is that I shouldn't have recognized his voice. I couldn't shucking see him either, but I knew his voice. Not from the time we've spent in the Glade, but before - it was planted in my brain. I don't know why I knew his voice.

"What are you doing, Calum?" I asked.

"Shh." He led me away from the three boys now belting out the chorus a second time. "I have to talk to you." He was whispering.

"Okay, but shouldn't we tell them to stop singing? Gally -"

"I don't really care, Jen." When we reached a reasonable distance from Ashton, Luke, and Michael, he turned to face me. "I...as you all say, shucking know those songs they're singing. I lied."

I looked at Calum. We were closer to the Homestead, so I could see his face a little more. "What?"

"They're right. We were in a band. But I just feel..this...anger towards them. I hate them, and I don't know why. I think it has to do with why we ended up here."

I ran my hand through my hair. This was too much.

"And me, too?"

"Yeah. And you know...I don't know what's going on with you and Newt, but I know you and Luke are supposed to be together. It's in my gut. Just like how Ashton knows you're his sister -"

"Just stop, okay?" I started walking away from him, but then I came back. "You all remember so much compared to the other Gladers, and it's not shucking normal. And why don't I remember anything? I don't feel anything towards Luke. He's a shucking slinthead - you know what? You all are. And if Ashton was really my brother, wouldn't I feel like, some blood kind of connection? Why don't you go sing with them, Calum. See if I shucking care anymore."

"Jenessa."

I whipped around to see Gally standing there. 

"Can I speak with you?"

"How long have you been standing there?" I blurted.

"Long enough. Come on." I followed Gally into the Homestead, where no one else was. "What else do you know, Jenessa?"

"Why don't you talk to them?"

"Because it's easier to talk to you."

"What?"

"What?"

"You heard everything if you were standing there the entire time," I said.

"I think you know more," Gally challenged.

"Okay, seriously? I am just like the rest of you. I don't remember anything besides my name."

"I'm not buying that."

"Okay, so I knew the four greenies' names. That's it."

"I'm still not buying it," Gally said.

"What do you want me to shucking say?" I asked him. "That I remember why we're all put here? Because I shucking don't."

"I want you to stay away from them," Gally said. "If you really don't remember them. If you're really telling the truth."

"Fine," I said. "They're annoying, anyway."

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some lukessa (??) is coming up, don't worry

like... next chapter

I was listening to a bunch of 5sos's "abandoned" songs while updating and I'm like, where have I been? 

of course, that was me when I first heard "she looks so perfect" on the radio, my bad