You've ruined me;

he never understood the way i felt

i was with my group of friends in class
i started to joke about some stupid thing i did back in middle school
i was shouting it out louder so the whole class could hear
while i looked at him to see his reaction of me joking around
i never make jokes with him because im so different when im with him
my confidence plummets and everything gets quiet
and i feel so small

but our eyes met for a split second
and i just hoped he knew the way i felt
it was like a cry for help
i want to be like this with him
but im so nervous around him
and i wanted to act like my stupid self with him
but he hates the way i talk like a child
and he won't ever get my jokes
i'm so desperate now
i want to make him laugh like his friends do
but when i try to he doesn't smile at all
and that's why im so jealous of her
she can make him laugh when he's with her every time
but i cant even make him smile when i'm walking by
she's everything he wants
do you want me or not?