You've ruined me;

grief

im over us, your reluctant trusting
im over the time that you said you loved me
i wished us the best
and you still treated me like a pest
we talked for hours
but i guess that didn't matter
i gave you everything
and you left me nothing
you said you were using me for sex
and that's when you left
weeks ago, you never said
you stayed for a month
using me for the trust
you stopped giving hugs
you'd start taking drugs

something died in me
when you said you needed space
i came crying to my best friend that day
and you left me the same
why would we need space to balance out us
you never hung out with me
never gave me hugs
you were with your friends
and it was okay
until you said that you needed a break

you said you needed a break from everyone
but later your laughing in front me with someone
and that's probably why
im jealous of how they make you smile
i know they're just dumb boys
but i still feel bad so much so that i could cry
and later that day i come up to you
you ask me if i forgot that you needed space
and i try to play it cool
but part of me wants to break down hugging you

you always told me to keep my head up at my desk
you didn't want people thinking i was being abused
and that tells me so much about you now
you rather be cool than have me love you
and i put my head down so much
because i was miserable when i noticed
how slowly you were leaving me
i wished you the best, i loved you too
you have priorities that don't make sense

i long for affection
because you're gone
i can't take being single
no, not for long