CRUCIBLE OF REJECTION

Chapter 41

It doesn't really matter...It was karma for what I did to you.

Trey..

Sir.... I'm glad you made up with your family... Not everyone is lucky enough to have one that cares Trekker said looking away.Christopher took Trekker's hands in his and held them.

I'm glad you had feelings for me back then and I'm glad this past month you've been giving me space and time to adjust and work on myself... And I still have feelings for you..I do... That's the reason my past relationships never worked ...I couldn't love them because my heart already belonged to you no matter how hard I tried to think otherwise.When I saw you for the first time in seven years at station I was happy but fear took over and I tried to avoid you which was kinda hard to do when you kept calling me to your Office. And I was convinced you hated me especially considering I am the one who always had too much work Trekker said.

I was jealous of you and Skank..I mean Trey. He seemed to have what I wanted to have with you and I gave you too much paper work, so you had no time for him .. I'm sorry about that...Trek I know what I did back then was wrong and I will understand if you don't believe me or trust me but I'll do anything to fix what I did because I want you to be mine . only mine Christopher said.

That's the thing Sir...I .... I believe you..Every word you said and that's something coming from me cos I don't trust easily.... but with you it's just natural and it makes me happy. I'm happy we had this talk and I forgive you Captain for everything you did...I hope you forgive me too...

I was never mad at you... Trekker why do I sense a but coming....

Because it is sir....Sir .. god I'm about to do this....I love you a lot and umm... you are a handsome man.... you still give me the butterflies and I've never felt them with anyone but you..I would like to belong to you only but...I can't.... Trekker said.

Why Christopher asked.

Sir...I....As much as it pains me to say this but I think you deserve better.You  need someone else.... Months back I would have agreed but now....

Why...why do you say that...

I am broken sir ...I have wounds that are trying to heal. Scars that remind me of young me all the time...

Trekker....

Sir.. you deserve to know what you'll be signing up against...The only people I ever admitted this out loud to are Trey, Uncle Lucas, Uncle Dré..my therapist, Alpha and now I'm telling you Trekker said.

Trekker.....

I was an abused kid growing up... Well not always abused...My mom and uncle were a great family to me....they loved me .we didn't have a lot of money but we were happy just the three of us then mom was diagnosed with pelvic cancer..it was at the last stage .. My uncle started hanging around with bad company while I stayed home with Mom most of the time.Uncle got caught and Charged with Drug trafficking.. that's why I've wanted to become a detective for the narcotics department so my uncle never tried to think of selling drugs again...I was happy he knew better than to take any .He was supposed to get 25 years but somehow it became 15 years.Mom got worse....Then some days before her death she introduced me to her lawyer and supposed best friend then they both tell me about my other family.They show me pictures and I have to memorize who is who.

After her death..Her best friend left me in the orphanage and told me she'll come back with my dad. I wondered why she didn't take me to stay with her as she was mom's friend but I found out she was only trying to pay mom back for something she owed her by making sure that the Olseno's took me. The Olseno's came when I was eight years old and sometimes I'm grateful for them and what they did to me because it helped me think of my mom and uncle a lot and made sure the memories I had with both of them were present and intact...

Anyway...I was abused... domestic violence....I was drowned multiple times..I used to be scared of water but I learnt to fight through the pain....My so called dad hit me..I would sometimes beat using a belt other times he practiced boxing on me...I was starved to death....locked in a dark room for days with no food and no water... When he needed something from someone who wasn't willing to talk he would send me...I had to interrogate the person....I had to fight the person who I was interrogating...had to fight for my life while he just watched...I got better at fighting..got better at interrogating people....

I was dead inside..he had created a monster of me...I was lucky I never killed... didn't want to know how it felt because I was scared... scared that I wouldn't stop doing it if I started.When I was in grade eight...he wanted me to kill a dog Tyke had been raising....I refused and he beat me up...Then he broke my leg...I couldn't miss school it was exam season and I couldn't go to the hospital because I wouldn't be able to rat him out because he has power and I had nothing.