Broken Speed | Verstappen & Leclerc

01 | numb chaos

-|- Monaco -|-

"I am faster, you won't catch me!" my nephew shouted as he ran through the apartment, a toy of his little brother in his hand.

"Luka, please give the car back." I said, trying to catch him, but damn, these kids were fast.

When I turned around the corner I almost fell over some boxes that were still there from the moving. But not only that, the whole apartment was looking like a bomb had hit us. Cloths all over the floor, toys and normal dirt as I hadn't been able to properly clean over the last weeks.

Being responsible for two little kids, a three and a four year old was quite challenging as they had so much energy, running around all the time, often fighting with each other about food, toys or other things.

I really had no strength for that at the moment, but I had to play the game, had to give them a smile every morning while my insides were slowly but surely collapsing, my heart breaking every day a bit more, knowing that these two had to grow up without their parents.

While they had processed everything quite fast, they were kids, who could blame them, the pain was still eating me up from the inside, but still, I had to go on, act like everything was fine so my little nephews would have a great life.

"Maxie!" Lio cried while sitting on the carpet, gesturing over at his older brother, who proudly held up the red car.

"See, you have so many other cars, why don't you play with them?" I asked the boy as I knelt down to him.

"But I wanna have the red one! He is so mean to me!" the kid screamed and I sighed, trying to figure out what to do next.

I never had children nor taken care of one alone and now I had to little examples, attached to me 24/7. It was a lot, more than a lot and it also was therefore that I hadn't seen any news over the last weeks.

I had no idea what was going on in the word as all my mind was able to process was happening inside this apartment, or in my head and heart itself. Only for grocery shopping I went outside, or when we would take a little walk, but nothing else.

I had to play that role, that everything was fine, I had to be there for them. I more or less sacrificed my own life so they could grow up with some sort of family, the only one they still had. I would give everything for them, knowing that my sister would have wanted it that way.

When I had gotten that call, nothing had seemed real anymore. Hearing that my sister had died in an car accident was breaking me. She was the closest person I had, she knew everything about me and my life.

The life that was now not existing. I quit my job, more or less. Christian managed to hold me as their third driver so I always had the chance to come back, but that was the last thing on my mind right now.

I had two little children I had to take care of while not loosing myself in it. I was all alone but I needed to be, nobody would understand what I'm going through, they would only take Luka and Lio away from me, the only thing that remembered me of my sister.

It would break me completely.

"How about we get you some cake from the one we bought yesterday?" I asked Lio with a tired smile and picked him up.

"Yeah." the boy happily returned, clapping his hands.

Once we were in the kitchen, cutting down one piece of the cake, Luka joined us.

"I also want cake." he simply said and put the red car on the kitchen island, grabbing a plate.

Carefully I sat Lio on the countertop, giving him his plate with the cake before I turned to his older brother.