Broken Speed | Verstappen & Leclerc

02 | back to it

-|- Bahrain -|-

Without any emotion I was looking in the mirror right in front of me, analyzing the view. It was the first time that I was looking at me for longer than a second, always too busy, too uninterested about my look.

But today I had to be as it was the second race weekend and I had some media appointments today in the paddock. The flight last night had been tiring as neither Luka nor Lio were sleeping, meaning that I also had to stay awake the whole time.

That surely left it's marks on my body. Dark circles under my eyes and my hair all messy. But that wasn't even the worse part. For today I had to wear normal cloths again, while over the last weeks I had nearly lived in my sweatpants and wide shirts.

Because of them I also hadn't seen how my body had changed. Because of all the stress and missing sleep I had lost a lots of my muscles, almost looking emaciated, my belly flat like I haven't eaten for days, my legs and arms even worse.

It was disgusting, I thought and I quickly grabbed the RedBull shirt that had been laying here in my hotel room, ready for me to wear. It sat quite loose, but luckily covering up my thin body. A team sweat shirt followed before I grabbed some of my jeans that I had brought.

Normally these were quite skinny and I didn't need a belt, but when I closed it this time, they were as wide as the pants from Santa Claus. Gosh, I thought and quickly grabbed a belt, covering up my body.

In the bathroom I then brushed through my hair, not really having the strength or motivation to do more. I then took out the makeup I had stolen from my private jet's bathroom. Of course I would never travel commercial, especially since the accident.

Also with that nobody would see me and the kids. A fear that I had every time I was walking with them on the street. Scared that someone would see me or them and would take them away from me because I wasn't a good parent.

That couldn't happen, it would only break me even more. Luke and Lio were the last thing that I had from my sister and nobody ever could take them away from me. So having a private jet was quite fortunate here.

Also the bathroom there was always stocked with different things, also for women, which was why I knew that I would find some make up there, never daring to buy one in a store as people could easily see me with it.

So quickly I took some of the stuff out, spreading it on my face under my eyes, covering up the dark circles there. The moment I was done I heard some steps from the room.

"Maxie?" Luka asked so I quickly stepped back into the room.

At first the kid was surprised by my look as he only had seen me with sweats on for weeks now. I must had looked awful, but I simply had no time to put effort in my look, also there was no reason for it.

"Is your brother also awake?" I asked and knelt down to brush over his shirt that was a bit messy from his nap.

"Yes, but he's crying, he said he had a bad dream." the boy only returned which made me sigh and I stood up again.

"Can you change? I already put some cloths out for you." I asked him and Luke nodded his head, happily jumping over to my bed where the things were on.

Sometimes I really wondered how they could be so happy, going through the day so easily, I was nearly jealous. But probably it was better as with that they wouldn't be in so much grief, besides some night mares like today.

Also the fact that we would go to the paddock was really exciting them, while I wasn't the biggest fan of it. But Christian had given me this position so I could return whenever I want, but I wasn't even sure if I would ever want that.