Tum Se

9

It's funny how he hurts me unintentionally and then when he realises that I'm hurt because of him, he hurts himself, probably punishing himself for hurting me but then he can't control his temper. And it's extremely hilarious that I, even after all the pain that he gives me, still feel guilty as hell for putting both of us in such a complicated situation as such, at first. My head is bursting with pain.
Enough is enough Manik. I won't let you play with Ana's feelings, just because of a bloody album. I'll make sure Ana gets to know your reality and then you get thrown out of this album. I'll make sure that you get this album only if you're the deserving one. I'll make sure that you don't come in between Abhiman and I because now I'm damn sure that you and I are not meant to be. You aren't the Manik that I used to love more than my life. You're not my Mani.
Ek taraf Manik hai jo kuch samajhta Nahi aur dusri taraf Abhiman hai jo kuch samajhna Chahta nahi. I know Abhiman that I've caused you immense pain in the past but that doesn't mean you can't give me another chance. Everyone deserves second chances and so do I. Why can't you see that I love you faithfully with all my heart and its broken pieces? Why is it so difficult for you to accept me as your wife? We were the best of friends, what happened to us now? Am I not worthy of your love or friendship?
Damn! I think it's too much for now. I will start thinking about it all tomorrow but for now I just need to sleep. I shook my head to clear my thoughts and started advancing towards the staircase when I saw someone in the garden area.
Who could it be? I saw all of them going in their rooms. I walked towards that manly figure and found him engrossed in his thoughts, staring straight ahead with hands in his pockets. I walked closer and saw him turning back to me revealing his face.
Dhruv? What is he doing here in the middle of the night?
Nandini: Dhruv! Umm do you...need anything?
He looked at me for a while but then nodded his head in denial. Ok then. Well I asked him out of courtesy after all he is my guest and it's my responsibility to make him feel at home. We were still looking at each other and for a moment, after a whole of five years, I found my same old best friend Dhruv, who was like an open book to me. I wanted to ask him what was troubling him but I stopped myself because well, who wants to be unnecessarily insulted by their ex bff that too after a bad day? I mentally nodded at my self consciousness and turned back to walk away when I heard that one word that made me stop at my place immediately.
"Nandu!"
I turned towards him like a lightning and stared at him open mouthed and moistened eyes. Did he just called me Nandu or is it my imagination? I saw him walking towards me with slow steps and his head down.
Dhruv: I lost your friendship no?
The tears that I was holding till now, finally found their escape hearing this.
Nandini: Long back Dhruv.
A tear spilled from his right eye as he wiped it harshly nodding his head as if in understanding. We stood there awkwardly, not knowing what to say.
Nandini: I should go. It's late already.
I turned to walk away without waiting for his reply but then he held my hand.
Dhruv: Can we take a break for a moment?
I closed my eyes painfully, trying to compose myself.
Nandini: Why Dhruv? Why now?
I asked in a hoarse voice still not facing him, afraid that he'll see the vulnerable me.
Dhruv: Maybe because we all need someone to hear us out when we are not able to hold it back anymore.
I opened my eyes in a snap listening to him and turned to face him, not afraid anymore because I found him as vulnerable as myself. We walked towards the pool and sat down, dipping our legs in the cold water. A calm silence surrounded us as we sat staring at the chilly but beautiful darkness of an eerie night.
Dhruv: A lot has happened and changed, isn't it?
I looked at him only to find him already looking at me.
Nandini: Yeah but change is an integral part of living I guess.
I turned my gaze back to the glistening water under the warm blanket of shining stars.
Dhruv: Are you happy?
I looked at him curiously not understanding his question. He sighed and then looked ahead.
Dhruv: In your life you know. This sudden marriage. Your whole new life. Here. Away from all of us. New people. New family. Your daughter.... She is so cute and sweet like you...
I smiled and looked away.
Nandini: Initially, I wasn't but now I feel as if I'm the luckiest girl in the world. These new people accepted me with open arms and love me like I were always a part of them. And my daughter she is my sweetheart..my lifeline..my everything.
He smiled at me and then looked straight again.
Dhruv: Does Abhiman love you?
I looked at him and found his concerned eyes staring at me. It made me feel happy and secured knowing I had an old friend, other than Navya, caring for me.
Nandini: He loves me more than anything Dhruv. Being with him makes me feel protected, secured and happy. It's like I never knew what love is until I met him. He makes me feel wanted, Dhruv.
I smiled as I reminisced Abhiman's care, concern and love for me. I felt Dhruv's hand on mine which made me look at him.
Dhruv: I'm happy for you Nandini. I genuinely am.
I smiled at him and then looked ahead.
Nandini: So, what's up with you and Alya? I mean I never thought that you two would end up together.
I looked at him only to find him sitting with a stiff posture. I didn't want to pressurise him for a reply so I waited for his next move.
Dhruv: I honestly don't know Nandini. We just...we just kind of clicked together. I liked spending my time with her. It was like, as if I knew her since I was born, like I've been her only favourite person, like I'm the only thing she wants in her life..but now...
He paused abruptly and held his breath.
Nandini: But now.....?
I urged him to continue and saw him exhaling a long, tired sigh.
Dhruv: Now I think, it was all an illusion. I think we just needed someone to comfort us, warm us, listen to our darkest of secrets, hate the same person as us, make love to us, be our ultimate hide out and take away all our worries, though temporarily. I think it wasn't love.
I observed his expressions all this while. He wasn't angry or hurt but exhausted. Exhausted from the realisation. Realisation of the reality. Reality of not being loved.
Nandini: What makes you say that?
He turned to look at me and then chuckled, a dry, sarcastic and sardonic one.
Dhruv: Nandini, when you love someone or when someone loves you truly, they can never cheat on you. They can never change themselves into something that you don't like at all. They prioritise you first. They want to be with you all the time. They want you to be a part of their lives-be it their daily chores or routine. They would go boundaries for you, just to make you happy. They would do anything that it would take to keep you in their lives forever.
He suddenly paused and then turned to face me again.
Dhruv: But with me and Alya.. It's never like this and this is not just from her side but mine as well. I..I realised that I don't feel anything for her. And today, when I found out that she can cheat on me, if given a chance, or probably does, I... I wasn't angry on her. Yes, I agree that it made me a little upset that she was ready to cheat on me but that's it. No fury, no desire to have her as mine, no regrets, nothing. I felt absolutely nothing...
I looked at him like a lost child. Was this the case with Manik and I? Were we in the same illusion of being in love because we both needed to be loved? Was it never love?
Dhruv: And you know what? I think we didn't even feel any attraction towards each other. I think we just didn't want to be left alone.
I looked at him and found him looking at the pool with melancholy.
Nandini: Jo hota hai ache ke liye hota hai Dhruv. I'm glad that you realised it isn't love. At least, now you won't be making those fake and futile attempts to keep each other happy.
He looked at me and then nodded with a faint smile.
Nandini: I think you both aren't the one for each other and I also think you'll find your better halves soon.
Dhruv: That's pretty awkward, you know?
I smiled at him and then shook my head.
Nandini: No one understands this better than me. Trust me on that.
He too smiled and then looked down.
Dhruv: A lot changed after that night Nandini. We weren't that loving, caring Fab5 anymore. We became just Fab5, who performed or came together just for the sake of money and fame. Manik became the monster as you called him. Mukti engaged herself in her one night stands once again. Cabir's whole persona changed drastically. Alya became more reserved, hostile and meaner if possible while I became more rebellious and a jerk. We all changed Nandini.
I didn't even realise when tears stung my eyes and before I could wipe them, Dhruv turned his attention back to me, his eyes mirroring mine.
Dhruv: What happened that night Nandini? Where did you disappear all of a sudden? Why and how did you end up there as a bride? Why did you marry Abhiman? Did someone force you to?
My cheeks got flooded with tears as I looked down.
Nandini: I think it was all fated Dhruv. It all happened so quickly that I was numb Dhruv. I lost everything that night. But I don't think all this matters anymore. I think Abhiman and I were always meant to be together.
I wiped my tears and looked at him with a faint smile but he didn't return it.
Dhruv: Don't you miss Manik?
He suddenly asked me gravely and all I could do was to stare at him.
Nandini: He isn't the Manik that I once loved, hence giving me no reason to miss him. But I admit that I miss our memories...... That's it and that's all I miss. Memories.
Dhruv: I'm sorry Nandini. I'm sorry for everything that I've done and everything that I've said. Trust me, I didn't even for once doubt your loyalty towards Manik; that you'd cheat on him, but Nandini, you know things were not fine between us and all their taunts made me a jerk and as a result I just didn't care whether you cheated on Manik or not. But now I have realised that I lost my most precious friend because no matter how hard I try, we'd never be able to change ourselves back to those Nandu-Dhru days... But can you try to accept me back in your life? Please.
I sobbed listening all this. Everything was so normal and casual between us years back. Indeed we couldn't go back in time and change everything that happened so I let go and smiled at him. No it isn't easy for me to forgive him but then why not. After all the least expected people hurt me more than I could ever imagine and here it was Dhruv, and I somehow expected this to go worse between us since that one particular day.