Tum Se

12

Nandni POV
I seriously think that when Aiyyappa was writing my fate, he mistakingly dropped the whole bottle of complications in mine because complications in my life are never ending. No matter how hard I try, I fail, I fail every god damn time to perfect things. I try to be perfect, a perfect daughter in law, a perfect sister in law, a perfect mother, a perfect wife and most importantly a better Nandini, but I just can't because by the time I'm done with the first problem another is already prepared for me like, yo Nandini, I see you are relieved now, cool let's throw you into another one.
So now I've decided one thing. I'll Just go with the flow. I won't try anymore. Try to be perfect. Try to be what I'm not. Try to be everywhere. Try to do everything. I just won't. Manik doesn't want me. Ok, cool. Abhiman doesn't want me. Alright. But I just won't try to convince him anymore. If he wants me then he can have me, if he doesn't then I'll go out of his life whenever he wants. Because apparently, I'm too tired to try, now.
My life is entirely fucked up. I mean can you imagine that I, Nandini Abhiman Singh Rathor, is thinking about her absolutely ruined life sitting in her cabin during working hours. I totally ignored Abhiman and Manik in the dining area and all the way to Ahana school and then office because I was mentally drained out. I have no capacity to fight or clarify myself anymore. So it's better that I distant myself from them.
A knock on my cabin brought me out of my reverie. I immediately composed myself and asked the person to come inside. Khushi. I looked at her confusedly as she gave me a sheepish smile. She came and sat in front of me.
Khushi: I hope I've not disturbed you.
Nandini: No no, not at all. Tell me what brings you here?
Khushi: Are you busy? I mean I might take a lot of your time.
I frowned at her.
Nandini: Of course I'm always free for you.
She smiled at me and then looked down. In that moment I knew she was nervous and hesitant.
Nandini:  Khushi what's up?
Khushi: Nandini.. Woh.. It's about.. About Ana...
I immediately turned serious and looked at her with all my attention.
Nandini: What about her?
She fidgeted with her fingers and looked down.
Khushi: Listen Nandu, I know I'm no one to interfere in your family matters but I.. I just can't help it. I...
I held her hand in mine squeezing it assuringly.
Nandini: You are Abhay cousin..his.. my sister Khushi. You have every right to interfere what's related to us.
She smiled faintly and kept her other hand on top of mine.
Khushi: Nandini it's about Ana and Manik.
My whole body stiffened as I heard his name. Since the time Khushi came I've never seen her interacting with Manik for once so hearing his name from her mouth is something really surprising.
Nandini: Wh..what about the..them?
Khushi: Nandini, you know how innocent Ana is. She knows nothing about this world, love, hatred, darkness. She was always this pampered princess of family. And a girl like her coming in a hasty relationship with a guy like Manik is..is dangerous, for her, for Manik, for everyone.
I analyzed her every word and felt my throat getting drier every second. If only you knew Khushi.....
Nandini: What do you mean by 'a guy like Manik'?
I knew the answer but I wanted to hear what she had to say.
Khushi: I don't even understand how to explain you. He..He's not the right guy Nandini. I hope you are understanding what I'm trying to tell you. He's not serious about Ana and I can see that. In fact no one in FAB5 is ever serious about anyone. They all are selfish. Save Ana before it's too late Nandini.
It hurts. It hurts Manik. It hurts a lot to hear all these things about you. It's like the Manik that I fell in love with was just a show, an imagination. God! What did I do to you that you're punishing me so hard? Coming to the main point, I think I should not tell anything to Khushi because knowing the person that she is, she'll open her mouth in front of Ana, though unintentionally.
Nandini: Khushi, see the thing is that I don't want to intrude in Ana's personal life. I mean if she likes him then she must've thought about it, isn't it? Besides she's a grown-up girl now, she knows what's right for her and what's not. But I appreciate that you care about her. Thanks.
I am so sorry Khushi for closing you out but it's good and safe for all of us.
Khushi: It's ok Nandu. I just thought that you should know about Manik, at least from my perspective. You're right, it's Ana's life after all. Maybe Manik is different.
Oh you bet. I hid my disgust and smiled at her which was I think more of a dismissive one but I couldn't deal with all of it. These things are starting to suffocate me. Khushi smiled at me and then left the cabin leaving me to sulk with my thoughts. One thing is for sure, I've to do something before things go out of hand and for that I've start making Ana realize that she is confused about her feelings for Manik and unknowingly called it love. I immediately put my thoughts on hold and through the intercom summoned Ana.
I've to stop this before he breaks Ana's heart. She has trusted someone for the first time apart from our family and I don't want her belief on trust or love to shatter. I just can't afford that. Besides I can't let Manik do so wrong to an innocent girl in front of me. No.
I heard a knock on the cabin indicating Ana's arrival. I asked her to come in and soon to my command, Ana stood in front of me all smiling and happy which reflected on my face as well. She hopped on the chair and looked at me.
Ana: What's up Bhabhi?
I smiled and held her hand that was on the table and caressed it gently.
Nandini: Ana, since quite a few days one thing has been eating me up.
I sighed and stopped while her whole attention was on me.
Nandini: You know right that I love you just like your brothers?
She nodded confusedly and I tightened my hold on her hand.
Nandini: And you also know that I care about you.
She again nodded her head in agreement and trust me I was only getting more nervous.
Nandini: And you are also aware of the fact that I would never want anything wrong for you.
She sighed and leaned on the table keeping her other hand on top of mine.
Ana: I know that too Bhabhi. I know how precious I am for you. Ok? You don't need to be hesitant about anything.
I gave her a small smile and took a deep breath before opening up the real discussion.
Nandini: Ana, I'm worried about your and Manik's relationship.
She got confused and looked at me with her curious glance.
Nandini: See the thing is that I think that you're confused between love and lust.
Her facial muscles tightened, just like Abhiman when he was extremely angry. I immediately held her hand tightly trying to calm her.
Nandini: Before you get angry, hear me out. See, you've never been in a relationship before, so that means everything is new for you. Love, responsibilities, likeness, lust, desire, every damn thing. Isn't it strange, that you say you're in love with a guy with whom you have spent just a week?
Hey expressions told that she was in deep thoughts.
Ana: Maybe Bhabhi but Manik likes me as well and I'm sure if it's not love then we'll gradually fall in love with each other with time.
No baby. Before you fall in love he'll break your heart and go away from you.
Nandini: So you say he loves you..
She got confused but then nodded her head.
Nandini: Alright then. All I can suggest you is to closely observe him. Notice if he wants to spend most of his time with you. Notice if he wants to introduce you to all the people he associates. Notice if he does the smallest of things just to make you smile. Notice if he wants you. If all these observations are positive then I'm happy for you baby.
She was no longer looking at me but into empty space, trying to comprehend what I was saying. After 15 minutes she looked at me and nodding her head, she left. I saw determination in her eyes, either to prove herself right or prove me wrong but either ways, it's her who's going to get hurt at the end and that's the only thing I fear.
I was brought out of my thoughts whenever someone banged opened the door of my cabin. I looked towards the door planning to shout at the rude intruder but stopped as I saw Dhruv entering inside. He was extremely angry. Hard raging breath. Red eyes. Gritted teeth. What's happened to him?
I ran towards him and held his arm.
Nandini: What happened? Why are you so angry? Ok leave all that. First have some water.
I made him sit and gave him a glass of water which he gulped in a gulp. I waited patiently for him to open up and stared at him.
Dhruv: I'm done.
He suddenly exclaimed making me surprise and confused.
Nandini: Done with what?
He looked at me and sprang up from the chair.
Dhruv: Done with all the drama. Done with all the lies. Done with all the hatred. Done with all the cheats. Done with all the emotional trauma. Done with Alya.
He whispered the last line softly, maybe tired from all the pain and misery.
Dhruv: I'm breaking up with her.
I looked at him in shock.
Nandini: What!
Dhruv: Yes, I'm breaking up with Alya for I've realized that I can't take it anymore.
Nandini: Dhruv don't take hasty decisions. Such decisions require a lot of thinking.
Dhruv: I've thought enough Nandini. I don't want her in my life.
Nandini: Don't act stupid Dhruv. You don't even realize what you're doing.
Dhruv: I'm aware of the fact that I Dhruv Dhawan is breaking up with my childhood friend and fellow band member Alya, for I just can't deal with her lies, hatred and cheats, Nandini. I've realized that we both are not meant for each other. We can get better. We deserve better. So it's best for us to move on.
I looked at him trying to process what he just said. He was indeed making a hasty and huge decision in anger. Although I know that they both don't love each other but I don't want him to regret later.
Nandini: Are you sure?
Dhruv: Sometimes it's better to let go than holding onto it.
I smiled at him and nodded in agreement. You're right Dhruv but what you fail to understand is that everything is destined to happen at a particular time and you just can't defy this rule of nature. I watched him leave and sat on my chair. I can't believe that it's just the start of the day and I'm already tired.
I looked at my phone which pinged with a text from my hubby dearest.
* Jam room in 10. Fab5's gonna perform.*
Could my life by anymore dramatic? After so much of drama, Fab4 is the last thing I want to face and that too when they are performing for our album, in front of Abhiman. Damn it. How do I escape from it? God,I hate my life.
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It is really ironic how one person can be your most beautiful dream as well as your worst nightmare. It's ironic how a person can be your happiness and the cause of your tears too. It's ironic how a person can give you so much of peace that you forget about all the pain that they give you. It's ironic how you just can't fucking stop loving that person even after being tired of their lies and pretence.
This, was true for all of them. While Nandini was contemplating whether to attend the audition or make an excuse, Abhiman and Manik were fighting their own battles with themselves, with their own thoughts, with their inner devils. Where Mukti on one side, was trying to make herself believe that she has been right all along, Abhimanyu on the other side was regretting his sin of loving Mukti Dhawan. He was cursing the moment he met her for the first time. Cabir, on the other hand had another battle to conquer. He was confused as to where he went wrong that his first love left him. And Dhruv has another battle to fight, the one of letting himself free. He finally realized that he was doing nothing but immersing himself in a pool of negativity by being in a wrong relationship. He wanted to make up for his mistakes before it was too late.
And among all these love battles, being fought within, there were some people who were fighting with their confused inner devils, that were consuming them-Alya and Ana.
For Ana, everything was new. Before coming across Manik, her life was simple, carefree, a bed of roses. All she needed was for her family to be with her. Her only requirement was her family. But after meeting Manik, she felt some inner feelings arising in her, wanting herself to be loved and cherished in a special way, wanting herself to be someone's special, maybe, it was a coincidence but all that mattered for her was that Manik awoke those feelings and needs inside her and so she thought he's the one. But being an inexperienced and amature lover, she didn't understand that in order to understand true love, she had to get her heart broken because only the places where the dark clouds poured their miseries, were the ones that saw the brightness of rainbow in them. When she was finally making peace with the fact that being in relationship didn't mean that your partner makes you feel wanted all the time, her Bhabhi made her realize that in order to stay in love communication and intimacy are the essentials and that's where she had a harsh realisation that their relationship only had physical intimacy and that too only when she herself initiated. She started observing all the couples of her family for she wanted a love that was as pious as her family's and only came to a conclusion that she and Manik hadn't even reached the L of love. Her parents, whom she admired so much, love each other so much and keep making each other feel wanted. Even the most low-key couple, her Bhai and Bhabhi, who kept their romance to themselves, express their love in the smallest of gestures. But what had Manik ever done for her?
While Ana was battling with her complicated confusions, Alya herself made her love life confusing. Had she wanted, she could've made Manik fall in love with her, or kept her relationship with Dhruv intact but while running the race of success and revenge, she forgot herself, to an extent that only she could find herself on someone's guidance. But who would help a selfish person like her?
It was finally the D-Day, which would decide the future of Fab5, whether they'd get this much awaited untitled album or not. They all knew that it was a carrier changing opportunity for them, for which they cooked up so many stories and played so many foul games. And they also knew that they had to get it, anyhow.
Tensed about the album and their performance, they were all sitting in the jam room, waiting for Abhiman to arrive. Manik was lost in his thoughts. For the first time in these two horrible years, he was thinking sane, nothing impractical, nothing negative, nothing hazardous but only about proving himself in front of the Rathores, mostly Abhiman Singh Rathore, who had always shown him down. He wanted to prove himself, he wanted to do justice with his singing. He closed his eyes and went down the memory lane.