Love, Pearl

LOVE, PEARL 8

My chest tightened again, the familiar pain radiating through me. I winced, trying to hide it, but I knew Mauri noticed. He always did.

"I told you already, mahal... pa-check natin ulit." His voice was gentle, but firm, his eyes filled with concern. I wanted to argue, to tell him to stop worrying, but the words caught in my throat.

"I hate check-ups, Mauri," I finally said, my voice soft as I met his gaze.

His eyes, those deep, caring eyes that had seen me through so much, stared back at me with a mixture of frustration and love.

He sighed, running a hand through his hair, a gesture I knew all too well.

"Pero kailangan mo, Pearl..." His tone was pleading now, and it broke my heart a little more.

This was a conversation we'd had so many times, the same cycle of him urging me to go and me resisting. I knew he was right, that I should get checked, that I should be doing everything in my power to stay healthy for them.

But the truth was, I was scared.

Not just of the check-ups, but of what they might find. I didn't want to spend whatever time I had left in hospitals, surrounded by machines and sterile white walls.

I wanted to live, to be with my family, to enjoy every moment without the shadow of fear hanging over us.

The door suddenly burst open, and Ciella came running in, her face alight with excitement. "Mommy, Daddy! Malapit na po birthday ko. Let's just eat together with Lola and Lolo and Titas and Titos!" She bounced on her toes, holding a piece of paper tightly in her hand.

The sight of her, so full of life and joy, made the pain in my chest almost unbearable.

I forced a smile, pushing down the ache. "Anak, ano 'yang hawak mo? Do you mind if you show us?" I asked, trying to focus on her, on this moment.

She giggled, the sound like music to my ears.

"I got a perfect score on our quiz po, Mommy. Look oh!" She held out the paper proudly, her eyes shining with pride.

I looked at the quiz, at the perfect score she had worked so hard for, and my heart swelled with love for her.

She was growing up so fast, too fast. I wanted to be there for all of it—to see her grow into the incredible woman I knew she would become.

But a small, nagging voice in the back of my mind reminded me that I might not be.

I pushed the thought away, refusing to let it ruin this moment.

Mauri grinned and started tickling Ciella, making her squeal with laughter. "Ang galing galing ng anak ko..." he said, his voice full of pride as he continued to tickle her.

Habang pinapanood ko sina Mauri at Ciella, ramdam ko ang bigat sa dibdib ko. Hindi lang dahil sa sakit na nararamdaman ko, kundi dahil sa takot na baka hindi ko na makita ang anak ko na lumaki.

Bawat tawa niya, bawat ngiti, iniimbak ko sa aking memorya.

Gusto kong lumaban, pero minsan napapagod na rin ako. Ang daming gamot, ang daming check-up. Parang wala nang katapusan.

"Ang kulit niyong mag-ama," I said, trying to laugh, but the sound came out hollow.

I pressed a hand to my chest, as if I could somehow keep the pain at bay, keep it from taking away the happiness of this moment.

I looked at Ciella's smiling face, so innocent and unaware of the storm brewing just beneath the surface of our lives.

How could I burden her with the truth? How could I take away her laughter, her joy, with my own fears?