from the start

chapter 33: Autumn

I looked around and it seems I was living in my nightmare.
With a knife in my hand I was hovering over my mother with Kai watching, begging me not to do it. A thick liquid rolled down my face staining my mothers skin
All I can remember was a bang on the door
How did I end up here?
I blinked and looked around this what usually when woke up from my dreams but I was not waking up this was real and I knew what I had to do.
Kill her.
"Take your eyes off of me so I can do it" I told Kai "i cant do it with you Wat me"
"Aut--" I cut him off."don't try to change me mind I have to Kai please."
And just like that the knife was buried into my mother's flesh, blood oozed from her mouth as I watched her last breath leave her.
I was picked up I don't know by who but I was no longer straddling my bothers dead body, now I was being held like a kid in someones arms as their tears leaked from their eyelids.
"Kai?" I guessed who the person was and I was correct. At that moment I couldn't see, I couldn't hear and I couldn't feel.
When he looks at me a mixture of fear, sadness and love was written on his face.
Was he afraid of me?
I numbly whipped his tears and allowed him hold me, I knew we both needed each other at this moment.
My mother's dead body laying on my bedroom floor with a knife shooting out.
I should have used the knife for myself too
Jake was on the other side of the room treating Avery's injuries but I could see from the way he kept looking at me, like as though he wasn't sure who I was, that I was all that was on his mind.
Now it was time for me to cry.
I looked down at my hands, stained.
With the blood of a person who birth me.
I needed to wipe my tears but I couldn't move so.kai did it for my as his mouthed thank you.
Why was he thanking me?

I on the other hand mouthed I love you in hopes for and answer and he kisses me gently. All the kisses he has been given me as of recently always made me feel like he was leaving me,he never did, but this. Felt like a good bye.
I shook my head as tears rolled down my face and all his did was smile and wipe them a way.
I wanted to speak but my throat was dry, I wanted to call out to the him, the boy who loved me from the start.
Since I knocked on the door after I became an orphan.
Since I smoked my first cigarette then decided it wasn't for me.
Since I started and ended dating Gus.
He had loved me and now I knew it didn't just start when I kissed him for the first time.
"Autumn, don't worry I am here" he said pushing my ragged hair back." I love you too".
A small smile left my lips I still couldn't talk as I saw Jake and Avery walk in our direction.
Jake held my hand then kissed my bloody for head "thank you, Autumn." And Avery did the same.
Why was everyone thanking me?
Jake rested his head on my stomach and Avery held my hand.
how could ppl still love a murderer?
I closed my eyes trying to remember what happened but I couldn't do I let my self go to sleep.