Aristoi Achaion [A the song of Achilles fanfiction] 2

Chapter 37

About two months later

A/N: Tw: dead b0dy, MAJOR character death.

The air was blowing cold that evening, I felt it freeze my very bones. Or perhaps it wasn't that cold, you just pay attention to the sorrowful when you deep in sorrow yourself.
Achilles still refused to let go of him. As I entered the tent once filled with laughter I saw him whispering to the cold, pale body next to him on the mattress. He didn't even seem to notice I was there and I felt it was only right to not make my presence known. He was whispering about memories from Pelion, how I wish we never left.

I kneeled next to the mattress and brushed my brother's hair away from his face. He was like a field of poppies. His hair -now torn and messy-was covered in Patroclus's blood and his eyes revealed the reason why his clothing was soaking wet. I doubted my eyes were in a better condition. He eventually lifted his head up a bit and his gaze met mine.
I kissed his forehead to try and provide some comfort knowing it would be absolutely useless. He didn't want comfort, he wanted to die and that hurt me more than the thought of not comforting my brother.

He was quietly sobbing again, facing the reality he pretended didn't exist.
To be fair, I couldn't believe that the body on the mattress was Patroclus either.
I despise myself for once creating the illusion that I hate him and I hate myself for all the trouble I caused. I know I wasn't the only one responsible and I had come to terms with that until I saw his lifeless body be brought back. They could have had more time together and I denied them that.

"Go" he whispered. "If anyone should be suffering it's me"

I offered a smile through my tears and quietly left.

Achilles entirely blamed himself. He curses everything, he curses the armor and he curses Hector. But truly, he believes it's his fault, he despises himself for letting Patroclus go to war alone.

I returned to my tent, only to realize that I felt equally cold. It was wasn't the air it seems.

Briseis was there and in those insufferable moments I was greatful to have her. Agamemnon returned her, which I am guessing is the only kind thing this man has ever done. She has been helpful and supportive in taking care of Timaeus. My poor boy, he has been struggling to sleep, sometimes he only seemed able to calm down in his father's arms. And now, he will grow up without one. Not only will I mourn so many losses but I would have to do it while taking care of a child. I suppose the gods think me capable.

I was born of pain and through pain I shall live for it seems I am not meant to know happiness.

A/N: I know I have been gone for FOREVER BUT GUYSSS school had been killing me and this was a very emotional chapter to write. Thanks for waiting <333
Btw I am giving away free paper tissues and mops if y'all need them.