I was out of myself when Devlin left the room. He didn't look back at me once and just walked away, as if what he was leaving inside had no importance to him. As if I didn't tell him that we were going to have a baby.
And like the fool I am, I even thought of a reason why he suddenly became cold to me. Maybe he thought that he was not the father of this baby. Especially now that Rio is back. But... it would break me even more kung iyon nga ang iniisip n'ya. Ibig sabihin ay wala s'yang tiwala sa akin kung ganoon nga when he knew that he was the only man in my life.
Then... why? Why did he leave me here? Ang akala ko pa nga ay matutuwa s'ya sa sasabihin ko. Ang akala ko... he would help me get out of the arranger marriage the Pakhan set for me. He was my only hope, but it was him who shattered my hope just like that.
He didn't want the baby. Maybe... he didn't even want me in the first place. Ako lang ang may gusto sa kanya. I was the only one who was in love with our relationship.
Mapait akong napangiti. Well... I am his punishment. Maybe being with me just reminded him of his parents' betrayal, and he was the one who should make up for his parents' sins. Paano nga naman n'ya ako mamahalin kung iyon nga ang naaalala n'ya sa 'kin?
My tears fell, and a sob escaped from my lips. What should I do now? Hindi ko na alam kung anong dapat kong gawin. I am pregnant with Devlin's child, and I am supposed to marry Vissarion Sokolov. Hindi ko alam kung anong gagawin ni Serj kapag nalaman n'ya ang tungkol sa kalagayan ko.
I am going to have a child with the man whose family betrayed the Bratva.
My mind was in turmoil. Bigla akong nanghina na parang hinigop palabas ng katawan ko ang buong lakas ko. I was about to fall to the floor when a hand held my arm and guided me to sit on the couch. I looked up and saw Fiadh standing in front of me with her hands on her waist.
"Well, that was close," she said. "I heard it's bad for a pregnant woman to fall or even crouch down, so you're welcome."
Pagod akong tumitig sa kanya. I couldn't bear to look at her. She hinted that there was something going on between her and Devlin, and I couldn't take that. It hurts so much, and I just want her to disappear out of my sight. I want to be alone. I don't want her to see me looking so pathetic.
"Why are you still here?" My voice sounded hoarse. Damn it. Hindi ko man lang magawang itago ang sakit sa boses ko. Or maybe it was futile, as she already saw me crying and almost begging Devlin not to leave me.
"Oh, you didn't hear? Devlin told me to keep an eye on you, right? Ilang beses n'ya pa ngang sinabi." She rolled her eyes. "I mean, I already got it the first time, so he didn't have to say it three times."
"At gagawin mo naman?"
"Well, of course! I told you. We were planning to kidnap you. We weren't just expecting that... you know." She motioned at my whole being with her hand. "Hindi lang pala isa ang makukuha namin."
My face contorted in pain. Hindi ko alam kung anong uunahin kong isipin. Devlin betrayed me. And by planning to take me, he also betrayed the Bratva. Hindi ko alam kung anong plano n'yang gawin sa 'kin, but he must've known that his plan would have consequences. Yet he still risked it. His goal must've been more important than the fact that I was pregnant with our child.
What the fuck was he even expecting? With all the times that we didn't use protection, sa tingin n'ya ba talaga hindi ako mabubuntis? If he wasn't even planning on getting me pregnant at all, he should've been more careful! He shouldn't have touched me in the first place! At ang tanga ko naman para mahulog sa kanya!
Fuck! He must've been laughing behind my back! I was just a tool for him that he could use! I'm glad I didn't tell him I loved him. Mas lalo lang akong magmumukhang tanga sa harapan n'ya.
