Hindi kaagad ako nakapagsalita sa sinabi ni Devlin. I was stunned. I didn't know what to say. I just wasn't expecting that after all we've talked about today, everything would lead to this. To... to Devlin's death.
Or maybe... there was a part of me that did expect it. That was why, even though he hurt me, I wished for his safety when I still didn't know where he was before. That even though he had left me, I had hoped that he was well. I hoped that he would just keep on hiding and that the Bratva and the Irish mob would not find him. Because I knew it wouldn't end well for him. And Devlin saying it right to my face just confirmed my fear.
The Bratva wants him dead.
"What..." I couldn't even find the right words to ask. "What should we do then?"
There must've been something in my question that was why the mournful expression on Devlin's face changed. His lips twitched as if he was fighting back a smile, which confused me as we were talking about a sensitive topic. But a small smile still formed on Devlin's lips.
"We? You don't have to do anything, Yelizaveta."
I frowned.
"What do you mean I don't have to do anything?"
"Hindi ko na gustong guluhin ang buhay mo. I just..." He took a deep breath. "I'm just here hoping that I could spend a little more time with you and our son before I—" He cleared his throat. "Before the Bratva do what they should do."
Hindi ko alam kung bakit nakaramdam ako ng galit doon. I hated it. I hated that Devlin just accepted everything like this as if there was nothing we could do!
"What the Bratva should do?" Halos mapatayo na ako at hindi ko na napigilan ang magtaas ng boses. "Devlin, you can't die! You're not going to die! I—" I took a deep, shaky breath. "I don't want you to die!"
I began hyperventilating as tears threatened to fall from my eyes again. I could feel my body trembling. I could even see my hands shaking. I wanted to cry, but I didn't want to look weak in front of Devlin. I didn't want him to know how much this news affected me because he had hurt me, and I wanted him to think that he didn't mean anything to me anymore.
I knew that he sacrificed for us, for me. He suffered too. But I still can't forget how much he hurt me as well. Everything was so sudden at hindi ko pa mapag-isipan ng ayos ang lahat. Hindi ko kayang balewalain na lang basta ang sakit na naranasan ko noon kaya gusto kong makita n'yang hindi na ako naaapektuhan nang basta na lang dahil sa kanya.
But... I can't. I just couldn't pretend. The thought of the man that I tried so hard to forget, of the man that I've tried so hard to unlove dying, did something to me. It triggered the emotions I had already locked up and opened, and everything came crashing down on me at once right at this moment.
And after hearing what he had been through and what he had sacrificed for me when I thought that he didn't even care about me, I just couldn't pretend that I didn't love him anymore.
Of course, I still love this man. I hate him but I still love him.
Tears fell from my eyes when I came to that realization. I grieved for Devlin's life and for what he had been through. I grieved for the years wasted between us. I grieved for the chance that we weren't given. I grieved for the hope that wasn't even there between us right from the start. Because since then, we haven't been supposed to be together.
We were... forbidden.
"Yelizaveta..." Devlin said my name so softly, which made me cry even more.
I heard him sigh, and he angled his body so he was fully facing me. Inilapit pa n'ya ang upuan sa akin so he could reach my face and cup my cheeks in both of his hands. His warmth, gods, I really missed his warmth that I even leaned in more onto his palms as his thumbs brushed the tears off my cheeks.
