86 Feelings (Stan x Kenny)[Completed]

11

(Day 440)

The day after Stan took Kenny home and learned of his engagement, he decided he couldn't bear it anymore. He had to get away, at least for a little while.

Four days later, Stan found himself sitting in his dad's truck at a state park. He'd been parked there for nearly three hours already, and he still couldn't figure out what to do about Kenny. After being disturbed by his engagement, Stan decided he had to get over this stupid crush.

But, it wasn't that simple. Those feelings were stronger than ever.

Deep in his subconscious, Stan knew there was a reason they met; whether it was his own personal hell, a life lesson, or fate - he didn't know. What he did know was that he needed to get over it. None of this was fair to anyone, Stan didn't have the right to be in love with someone he couldn't have.

It just wasn't that simple, though. Stan couldn't make his feelings go away, that was more than unrealistic, but he also couldn't tell Kenny. They met later in life when they were both developed people, if Kenny chose to be with Tammy, he had to trust that it was for good reasons.

His instincts told a different story. Stan didn't know what to do.

Conflicted over the thoughts that led him to this moment kept him in that truck, staring down the cliff side. Stan felt the anxiety rising and falling with his breathing, the overwhelming uncertainties unable to tether him to a single emotion.

His phone vibrated repeatedly on the dash, but he ignored it. For days now, Kyle, Craig, Wendy and even Kenny had been asking where Stan was. Of course, Kyle knew that he took time off from work, though no one knew exactly where he was, or where he was even staying.

Possibly the most adult thing he'd done so far kept him away from South Park - he managed to pay for a hotel room for a couple of weeks somewhere west from home. He didn't care to know the town he was staying in, Stan just needed space.

God, I'm so.. He stared out at the vast wilderness, temporarily distracted from how the sun engulfed every color vibrantly. I'm so sad..

It wasn't like before either. It wasn't the type of sadness that made him want to die, or that caused tears to spill down his cheeks; it was a sadness only obtained by a person who cared more about someone else's happiness than their own. Stan would have rather spent his whole life miserable, never loving anyone else, if it meant that Kenny would be happy.

And, if he knew how Stan felt.. Well, he was convinced that it would only make Kenny miserable.

None of it made sense. So, he sat there until it did.

(Day 445)

The slots lined up perfectly for the seventh time, hypnotizing any set of eyes attracted to refractions of light. Stan looked past everything, engulfed by the drink swirling in his hand.

He thought going to a random Casino would distract him enough, but even as some girl he'd met at the bar was whispering in his ear, Stan only thought about Kenny. He wanted to laugh, he wanted to laugh until he couldn't breathe anymore just so it wasn't pain that killed him.

I'm.. a goner. Stan shook his head as he cranked the machine again, a crowd beginning to form around him as he won, again. Just a loser in love with the wrong person.

The girl by his side was more thrilled than he was that the slot machine was exploding with money; Stan normally didn't judge, but he could tell that she was from a bad situation, doing whatever she could to survive. Instead of taking the money, Stan drunkenly motioned for the girl to take his seat.

He figured, if that machine liked his misery so much, maybe she could escape with it.

Stan didn't stick around to find out.

He knew it was stupid to wander around an unfamiliar city, yet, he wasn't scared. In fact, it was the most relaxed he'd been in too long. Stan was tired of running from the truth - he was terrified of being alone.

What did learning that even do for him? What was the point in any of this?

Stan stopped walking.

He was lost.

"Shit."

Rubbing his face to engage appropriately with his surroundings, Stan realized he actually wasn't too far from where he parked the truck. He could sleep off the rest of the alcohol for a while, at least.

His phone vibrated in the side pocket of his joggers - yup, he wore joggers to a casino - and it grabbed his attention. Whatever it was told him he needed to see it.

Man, what is it with impulses lately? Stan scoffed at himself, and finally just looked at the screen.

Kenny.

"Of course.." And he was muttering again, biting at his thumbnail debating whether to read it, or not. It's not like he'd know, though. It would just be the one message, too.

Goddamnit, I feel so fucking bad, but..

But, was it wrong to ignore his concerns? Could he ignore his concerns? It was late too.. What if something was wrong?

Stan clicked on the message:

Kenny: hey. hope ur not dead

It made him grin, and he figured that's all Kenny wanted.