86 Feelings (Stan x Kenny)[Completed]

16

(Day 460)

Stan couldn't sleep anymore.

At night, he'd lie awake staring at the ceiling for hours, as if his eyelids were being held open by some unseen bastard. He was exhausted. But, every time he tried to sleep, he only dreamed about the things just out of his grasp. It was getting ridiculous.

He thought about getting therapy. This wasn't developing into an obsession, was it? Stan didn't feel obsessed, yet the way that Kenny constantly ran through his mind made him question his ability to grasp reality.

Instead of trying to sleep that night after serving for ten hours, Stan looked into Therapists in the area. He didn't want to admit defeat. He knew people would think he was ridiculous for thinking therapy was defeat, but he couldn't help it. Therapy didn't work before, why would it work now? Who else was he going to talk to about his feelings for one of his best friends. though? Putting all that shit on Kyle, or even Craig, was too much - Stan could already see the effects.

Fuck it! It was four in the morning, the perfect time to schedule a therapy session for the next day, right? God, maybe I am fucking losing it..

Because of the glorious abilities of the internet, Stan would be spilling his feelings to some stranger in an office in the morning. Why not?

(Day 466)

The thin-rimmed glasses slid down his nose as he scribbled something into his notepad. Stan didn't get it. What was he even writing?

This was their second session, and Stan had yet to utter more than a few words. He didn't know where to start, or even how this all worked; the last time he was in therapy was after his mom died, and he hadn't been entirely truthful about everything regarding his mental health.

Swallowing the lump threatening to crowd his airway, Stan leaned forward, opening his mouth several different times as an attempt. It still wouldn't come out.

"Stan," The steady man across from him set his notebook on the table next to him, and mimicked his act of leaning forward. "Just try to give me one answer, okay?" Stan nodded slowly. "Why did you decide to start therapy?"

This is why he was stuck. To blame it all on his feelings for Kenny would be atrocious, and he knew it was more than that. Honestly, it was damn near everything.

"Me." It finally ghosted from his lips, barely a whisper as he scowled. "I-I.. I've had issues with depression for a long time, but it's just.. I can't seem to stop feeling guilty."

The man hummed, incredibly patient of Stan's hesitation. "What are you feeling guilty about?"

Rain began splattering the window a few feet away from him, temporarily grabbing his attention. Stan didn't want to say this out loud. But, he paid for this shit, so he sucked it up: "I'm in love with someone I shouldn't be."

"Why do you think you shouldn't be?"

He paused. "He.. He's in a relationship - engaged, actually - and he's one of my best friends. I, um, have been trying to just get rid of the feelings, but they keep growing instead. It's not right for me to feel like this.."

"Why are you not allowed to have feelings for someone unavailable?"

Stan knew he kept stopping dramatically, but the questions were tripping him up. He hadn't thought about some of these things before. "Well.." He glanced down at the scar on his wrist, scowling at the one time he let the darkness truly win. Was he going down that road again? "Because I know better. He's unavailable, and I'm constantly daydreaming about him. That's not healthy, right?"