86 Feelings (Stan x Kenny)[Completed]

12

(Day 450 Pt.1)

"Did you figure it out?"

His super best friend leaned impatiently on the bedroom door frame, awaiting an explanation for the disappearing act Stan performed.

Still unpacking his things, he didn't know how to respond right then. Honestly, he hadn't gotten as many answers as he needed. There was a part of Stan that wished he could leave, and start over. Maybe, that was a major flaw in who he refused to face more than anybody - himself.

He wouldn't run from everyone else though, that would do more harm than good. "Well," Stan started with a sigh, he knew he had to explain. "Um, no. Not really, Ky.."

Adjusting his attitude, Kyle sat next to him on the floor where he had his clothes neatly sorted out from the suitcase. Stan was not behaving like Stan. "You were gone for, like, fifteen days, dude.. You didn't talk to anyone, either! People were worried about you."

"I know." He whispered, mostly to himself, as he began to zone out into a random spot on the floor. Stan had made some progress on his vacation, but he needed time to process everything - exhausted was an understatement. "Ky, can we talk about this later? I think I should just go to sleep."

Kyle neglected to say more as Stan's eyes suddenly seemed heavier. He helped him into bed.

About six years ago, Kyle made a promise to a shattered Stan to never let him slip into darkness again; so far, he was failing his best friend. There was nothing wrong with having feelings for someone, Kyle knew that, but Stan couldn't accept that himself.

Closing the door as his eyes lingered on Stan cocooned in bed, he hoped things would get better.

**

'Hey, Stan! Walk with me down here!'

The ground beneath him was damp and hard. He nearly slipped as he pushed himself up. Stan felt a little hazy when he tried to absorb his surroundings, everything fell just out of sight somehow. The unknown path held the color of grass, and the sky was shaded the same.

'Seriously, we have a lot to talk about.'

Stan noticed a hand outstretched to him. Blinking a few times, in an attempt to disperse the blurriness in his vision, he recognized the person's forearm immediately.

Kenny McCormick stood on the mystical forest path, a goofy, wide grin spread across his face as he waited for Stan to join him. It was jarring. This would never happen in real life, so he knew it was a dream. But still, he found the hand anyway, and started with him down the unknown path.

Finally registering what Dream Kenny said, he tried to speak up: 'Um.. What-"

"Well, I'm not supposed to tell you here, Stanley!'

He managed to make his legs stop. 'Huh?'

It was hard to focus, like he was trying to come up for air as Dream Kenny explained more. His ears were muted, missing every piece of information that might have given him something that resembled peace.

Everything started clicking with Stan. And when he looked up to confront his brain's version of Kenny, he found that he stood alone in the fantastical forest.

**

Stan woke up irritated.

Kenny haunted him even in his fucking dreams, and now he didn't have anywhere else to feel peace.

This was the kind of stuff that caused him to not trust in his own judgment - Stan couldn't discern between fantasy and reality. As far as he knew, this was all completely in his head, and he was just clinging to the insanity of obsession.

But, why did it feel real? His head was starting to pound.

No, he is not thinking about you too, Stan. He growled to himself as he sat on the edge of the bed. You have to stop obsessing. If you're not careful, you're going to make him uncomfortable, and lose him as a friend. Wouldn't you rather keep him in your life?

He hated this. He hated how valid his questions were. He hated how none of his thoughts seemed right. Most of all, he hated how after all of this time, he was still so damn unsure. How was that even possible?

Stan had to calm down. Deep in his thoughts, he started unknowingly hyperventilating; cradling his chest as he laid back down in the fetal position, he tried to tame the anxiety. It ran rampant, however.

"Hey, man." Kyle rapped gently on the door, his voice laced with concern. "Gotta leave in, like, fifteen minutes."

Fuck me. "Alright." Stan cringed at the sound of his voice. God, the dream just seemed to make his self hatred worse, somehow.

At work, he had to see Kenny. Avoiding him for two weeks hadn't worked, now he just had to face him. He nearly forgot he was engaged, too, until his brain decided to unpleasantly remind him. Of course, that didn't mean things were over, but Stan hated that thought even more.

Who was he to disrupt someone's relationship?

Stan shook away all thoughts. Fuck thinking anymore.

He'd let the darkness creep back in. There seemed to be no other choice now - it was either that, or confess his feelings to Kenny. Stan wasn't about to mutter a word, ever. He'd be miserable forever.

He managed to get his shit together enough to finish dressing for work. When he met Kyle's pressing eyes in the living room, Stan nearly went back to bed: "What, dude?"

Kyle decided before he wasn't going to say anything, but he had a hard time keeping his opinions to himself. "Life is short, Stan. You can keep wondering what everything means forever, or you can take a leap, and deal with the pain of the fall!" He paused, hoping to catch a glimmer of hope in Stan's eyes, though he only found avoidance. "What I'm trying to say is that I think you should just tell Kenny what's going on."

Stan was alert at this, snapping his head up in vicious annoyance. "No! That's the worst thing I could do!"

"Why?"

Why? It echoed in his mind for a moment. There were a million reasons, yet none of them seemed good enough to utter. He sat on the arm of the couch behind him: "I-I don't think he feels the same, Ky. This isn't just some stupid crush.. I developed deep feelings for him, and I can't take another rejection. I also can't stand the idea of losing him as a friend - I want him in my life."

Somewhere along the line, they learned their true selves, and Kyle was impressed by how mature Stan had managed to become. "Why do you think Kenny wouldn't want to be your friend if you told him the truth?"

He shrugged lazily. "I dunno. Thought maybe he'd get grossed out, or something.."

Not wanting to be a dick, Kyle eyed the clock from his peripheral. "As your super best friend, I'm telling you that it will be okay. Tell Kenny when you're ready, and the rest of what is supposed to be, will be."

Geez, when did Ky get wise like an old man? Stan snickered a little to himself before he ran after the ginger.

It was going to be a long day.